


The Broken Trifecta

by zephakitara



Category: SKET Dance
Genre: Drama, F/M, Post-Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 33,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28730328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zephakitara/pseuds/zephakitara
Summary: Himeko has always been waiting for Bossun to return to Japan, for him to realize that she loves him, for him to return her feelings. But that moment doesn't seem like it will come anytime soon, and her heart can only wait for so long. Maybe, it is time for Himeko to move on. Maybe, she and Bossun are not meant to be.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 3





	1. The Drowning Elephants

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally posted on FanFiction in September 2020.

The rain, it was relentless.

Somehow, Himeko didn't really feel the droplets of water pelting her shivering body like merciless bullets. She stared unblinking at the young man standing in front of her as the cold rain mixed together with the hot tears streaming down her face.

'I love you, Bossun,' she said, her voice was almost drowned by the rain, sounding small. She was afraid of what her friend might say to her. With a sinking feeling, she watched the smile on Bossun's face slowly fade away.

_Ah, he looks surprised._

Himeko tore her eyes away from him. Her heart couldn't bear to see what was written on his face; that he clearly didn't see her in that way, in the way she had been hoping for. In the dim of the night, in the cold rain, the park where they were at didn't seem the same. The elephant sculptures standing by the sandbox looked as if they were crying for someone to save them from the heavy rain; the same way she was quietly crying for someone to take away her feelings so she wouldn't have to bear this ache in her heart.

'Himeko…' Bossun softly said.

How it hurt, the way he said her name. She wanted him to say it again and again and again. She wanted him to say it forever. But she knew that would never happen.

'Himeko, I'm sorry… I can't…' Bossun said, his eyes had a soft, apologetic look as they stared into her tear-filled eyes. 'I can't return your feelings. I… don't feel that way about you.'

'Ah… is that so,' she managed to let out, although she doubted he'd heard her. She felt like bawling her eyes out.

_Dammit, I can't bear this ache!_

Through teary eyes, she watched Bossun take steps closer to her. Even in the rain, his wet hands felt warm against her trembling shoulders when he held them firmly.

'Don't be so sad, Himeko. I know this might probably be our last time seeing each other in a long while, but I will always hope that you'll find happiness. You'll find someone better than me, Himeko. I know you will,' he said, somehow his voice was slowly sounding a little far away. 'In ten years' time, let's meet again here. And at that time, I'm sure, you'll be so much happier. You'll be smiling so much more than now.'

'Bossun…'

Himeko gasped his name, unable to stop the tears from falling freely down her face. She embraced him closely, tightly, as he held her in his arms. She listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, from a dull, quiet pounding to slowly becoming loud and obtrusive in her ears.

_Doot-doot-doot-doot-doot._

Himeko opened her eyes sleepily, rolling around a little in her bed as she blindly searched for her vibrating phone buried somewhere underneath her blanket.

'So damn noisy…' she mumbled when she finally found her phone. She squinted at it, her vision blurry, eyes still blanketed by sleep, as she continued to mumble about how rude it was to call someone in the middle of the night. She glanced at the glowing numbers of the digital clock on her nightstand. It was 3.30 in the morning, and someone was calling her.

'Who the hell…'

She was more awake when she realized whose name it was on the screen.

'Switch?'

Himeko stared at the name for a moment before answering groggily.

'Hello…? Switch?'

There was no answer from the other end, but Himeko could hear a constant pelting sound. She immediately sat up in her bed and looked out of her bedroom window just in time to see a blinding lightning forked across the dark night sky. It was raining heavily.

'Switch, are you alright? Where are you?'

There was still no answer, and this reminded Himeko eerily of the time when Switch refused to speak with his voice when they were in high school. An uneasy feeling was slowly creeping up inside of her as she stared concernedly out the window. She could tell something was going on with Switch.

'Answer me, Switch…' she finally said in a small voice, almost pleading.

'I'm at the elephant park…'

Switch's voice sounded so different, strained.

'What?' Himeko glanced at her digital clock again just to make sure she didn't get the time wrong the first time.

'At this hour? What are you doing there?'

Switch didn't answer her, but she could hear his breathing above the sound of the rain and the rumbling thunder.

'Switch, get somewhere dry, away from the rain. I'll come get you,' Himeko said firmly, trying not to panic. Something was wrong with him. She needed to go see him. 'Do you hear me, Switch? Wait for me, alright?'

Still, Switch didn't say a thing, and the line was suddenly cut off.

'Switch?'

Himeko stared at her phone screen, wide-eyed.

'Dammit!'

.o.o.o.

By the time Himeko was out of her small apartment and got herself onto her bicycle, the rain had ceased to a light drizzle. She zipped through the wet, glistening road at a speed that would make a passerby think she was a professional cyclist, the constant sound of her rotating wheels breaking the silence of the night. She reveled in the refreshing cool air rushing past her, not bothering to wipe away the raindrops on her face.

The pelting rain was slowly reminding her of something, something she was desperately trying to hold on to since she had woken up, a memory so fragile it would fade away if she didn't concentrate hard enough, didn't reach far enough or try hard enough to hold on to it.

_The dream._

The rain, it reminded her of the dream she had earlier before being woken up by Switch's call. It was raining in her dream, too. The memory of it came rushing back to her not unlike the wind blowing on her face right now as she cycled down a steep slope, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by what had taken place in the dream.

Once in a while, she would have this kind of dream, where she would confess her feelings to Bossun, and he would always turn her down, rejecting her feelings in such a kind, gentle way that she was hurt even more because of it, and she could not accept it, that he didn't feel the same way towards her, leaving her heartbroken.

Himeko sighed as she stopped at a red traffic light in a quiet, brightly lit street. No car or people was in sight, and she didn't really have to stop, but she pulled her bicycle brakes anyway.

It had been three years, three long years since she last saw off Bossun at the airport. Three years since the day she had confessed her feelings to him at the airport right before he left, and he had seemed not to understand what she was actually saying. Himeko had tried to be positive about it, but she couldn't help thinking that Bossun just couldn't see her as anything but a friend. He hadn't been back to Japan since, and she didn't want to think about the reason why.

_I wonder what he's doing right now. Does he even think of me?_

The traffic light changed colours, showering Himeko in a pool of green light as she pushed her feet off the ground and started pedaling again.

That day after Bossun had flown off to the United States, Switch had eagerly come to see her, expecting good news. But she could only smile through her tears as she shook her head, trying hard not to bawl. She wished it was all a bad dream, that Bossun was just playing a prank on her, but of course it wasn't. Switch had held her gently then, telling her that everything would be alright.

Ever since then, Switch had made so much effort to be around her and keep her happy. Switch went to Meikyou University, while Himeko was enrolled at Sakuragi University, but that didn't stop him from finding time to hang out with her almost every weekend. It was a good thing that their campuses were a stone's throw away from each other, or else Himeko would have forbidden him from coming to see her so frequently just to make sure she was doing fine. She knew it was hard for him to juggle all the things he had to do in his life right now; he had classes to attend, assignments upon assignments to finish, researches to analyze, detailed reports to write, and most important of all, he had Kibitsu Momoka to love.

Himeko knew that Momoka had also insisted Switch to look out for her. She knew how much that girl cared for her although Himeko hardly ever saw her now. Since they graduated high school, Momoka's career had taken off brilliantly. She was rapidly becoming Japan's new sweetheart, and from what Himeko had heard recently, Momoka was ready to spread her wings internationally. Nowadays, she was almost everywhere; in movies, dramas, animes, commercials, magazines, billboards, cup ramens– she was literally everywhere! But what touched Himeko the most was the fact that Momoka still had time to think of her.

Every now and then, Himeko would receive a text message from her asking how she was doing, but Himeko would usually receive a reply only about a week after. That was how busy Momoka was these days. Sometimes, Himeko felt sorry for Switch. Momoka was basically a celebrity, and because of that, and because of how much he loved her, Switch would always arrange his schedule to match Momoka's even more jam-packed one.

More often than not, Himeko wished Switch would focus more on Momoka and not to worry about her, because she was doing fine. She really was.

At least, that was what Himeko told herself.

The first year after Bossun left, Himeko often caught herself thinking about him a lot. She missed him. She missed him _so damn much_. She had spent almost every day of her high school years with him, and to suddenly not have him there by her side, not being able to talk to him face to face, to joke around like silly kids, to help people in need together, to just be around each other, it hurt her like hell. The constant clutching ache she felt during the first year he wasn't there with her, she almost couldn't bear it.

Now, after three years had passed, Himeko still thought of him, but not as often as she used to. She was slowly getting used to not having him around. She was slowly getting over him.

Bossun was thousands of miles away on the other side of the world, and Himeko could feel the distance pulling them apart. At first, he had texted and sent her emails regularly. It felt like nothing much had changed, just that they couldn't see each other. But after a while, the texts and emails were getting fewer and fewer both ways with long intervals in between each of them. Himeko understood that Bossun might be busy with whatever he was doing, and she was busy as well with her life at Sakuragi U, but…

'But I still find the time to think of you! Why can't you do the same?' Himeko cried out loud into the night as she rushed through a long stretch of an empty street, her legs cycling furiously.

The answer was obvious and she knew it.

_It means you're not on his mind at all. He doesn't think of you like you think of him._

Himeko let out a resigned sigh. She really should stop thinking about Bossun. She really should.

It had already been three years and nothing good had come out of her waiting for him. What use there was of doing so if he didn't even think of her? And she was not the only one who had the same thought. Captain, who was a regular guest at her small apartment these past years often asked her if she was just wasting time waiting for Bossun. And lately, even Switch had asked her something along the lines.

Himeko knew that Switch was the most eager to see herself and Bossun get together. He was literally a fan. But now, even _he_ was showing signs of giving up on them.

The thought of Switch brought Himeko back to the present. The call she received from him earlier surprised her, but not by much. She had long suspected something was bothering him for a while now although she couldn't really tell what it was. These past weeks, she noticed that Switch was feeling a little down whenever they hung out. He was trying to hide it from her, smiling and making silly jokes as usual, but she could still tell something was wrong. She had casually asked him about it, but as expected, he said he was fine and she didn't have to worry about him.

Himeko sighed as she slowed down to turn into a corner.

'How long have we been friends, Switch? Did you think I wouldn't notice?' Himeko said to the rushing wind in frustration as she cycled even faster. 'I won't let you suffer alone.'

She couldn't bear the thought of leaving Switch by himself with his problems after all he had done for her. He was there for her when she was having a hard time getting over the heartbreak of Bossun leaving, of Bossun not thinking of her. Switch was always there for her, giving her his wholehearted support.

_I'm coming for you, Switch. Wait for me!_

Himeko ceased her pedaling, slowing down to a stop when the elephant park came into view. She parked her bicycle at the edge of the playground, getting off swiftly with a huff as she looked around the area in the semi-darkness.

Switch was nowhere to be seen.

'Switch? Are you here?' she asked, her voice sounded loud in the quiet neighbourhood. 'Where are you?'

A sudden sound of clinking chains made Himeko jump, her eyes squinting in the direction where the sound had come from.

There in the dark, Switch was sitting in one of the swings, just watching her. Himeko stared at him for a few seconds, somehow unnerved by the look in his eyes. Something was clearly wrong.

'Oi Switch! Don't scare me like that, you punk!' Himeko yelled as she made her way across the playground towards him, carefully leaping over the puddles of rain.

'Hey… Are you okay?' she asked hesitantly when Switch didn't say anything now that she was standing right in front of him.

It alarmed her when she realized he was drenched to the bone, shivering like a small animal caught out in the rain. But what rattled her the most was that he didn't even seem to notice how cold or drenched he was.

He looked… un-alive.

Himeko quickly grabbed hold of his cold, shaking hands, just to make sure that he realized there was an actual person standing in front of him.

'Switch, come on. Let's get–'

'She left me.'

Himeko stared at him, a look of total confusion on her face. Before she could say anything, Switch had started speaking again.

'She left me, Himeko.'

'Huh?'

Himeko looked him in the eyes. They were glazed, as if he was actually staring at something else in his mind.

'Momoka. She left me,' he said in barely a whisper.

Himeko dropped to her knees in front of him, not believing what he was saying. She ignored the squelching wet earth underneath her shaking knees, staining her sweatpants.

'That's… impossible…' she said in disbelief. 'Momoka would never…'

'She's leaving. She's going to the US for work and…' Switch was quiet for a moment before forcing himself to continue in a strained voice. 'She chose her career over me. She chose… She said she didn't want to hurt me anymore…'

Himeko let Switch pull his hands away from hers as he let out a choking sound. He covered his face with his trembling hands but Himeko could see the tears streaking down his face. She stood up and gently put her arms around Switch's shuddering shoulders. She didn't know what to say.

_Momoka left Switch?_

Himeko had never thought something like this could happen. How could it even happen? Their love for each other was so deep and obvious that even a blind person could see it.

Himeko made quiet soothing sounds, caressing Switch's wet hair as he cried harder against her like a young child, his whole body shaking uncontrollably. She stared at the red and blue elephant sculptures next to the sandbox, standing in a deep puddle of rain, stuck in it. They look like they were drowning, and their beady black eyes were screaming for her to save them. The same way Switch's eyes were screaming at her to save him earlier.

Himeko didn't know how long they had stayed like that, but the early birds were already chirping in the trees around the park when Switch's body finally stopped trembling, his clutching hands on her back loosening, and there were no more tears for him left to cry.

She went to sit in the swing next to him, watching the sky lightening as she swung deliberately. From the corner of her eye, she could see that Switch was gradually regaining his composure.

'Himeko…'

His voice was hoarse, but no longer quivering.

'Hm?'

Himeko was relieved to hear Switch's voice again. She pushed her feet against the ground harder as she soared a little higher into the air. Things were going to be okay. She wanted to believe in that notion.

'Are you still in love with Bossun?'

She abruptly came to a stop with a long, forceful drag of her feet on the wet earth, the chains of her swing rattling around crazily at the sudden halt, clinking loud in the silent predawn. That question really caught her by surprise.

'What? Switch, what's this all about?'

'Do you still love him, Himeko?' Switch asked, ignoring Himeko's question, his tone insistent although he sounded like he didn't want to care about anything in the world anymore.

Himeko stared at him for a long time, wondering what had gotten into him now.

_Am I still in love with Bossun?_

She didn't think of Bossun as much as she used to, it didn't bother her anymore that he hardly text or email her. She thought she was doing fine without him being involved too much in her life now. Without him caring much about her. The thought of him still crossed her mind when she let her mind wander, but…

'I… don't know,' she finally said in a small voice that sounded surprised, keeping her watering eyes trained on her feet, at her mud-stained shoes. The thought of Bossun not caring anymore had always made her tear up. After all these years, it hurt her still. _So much_.

'I really don't know.'

It was the truth. She really didn't know what to make of her feelings for Bossun now. She couldn't possibly describe it with words and not feel dissatisfied by what they actually conveyed. She wiped away a persistent tear that had managed to escape her eye when she heard Switch let out a heavy sigh and said:

'You and me, we both are trying to forget the ones we love.'


	2. Coffee Talk

Himeko yawned loudly, squeezing her eyes shut as she closed the apartment door behind her. She took off her shoes lazily, dropping each one with a thud on the floor of the small entrance area. She wanted nothing else but to sleep for a good three hours. She didn't think she could do anything else before she had had her nap.

She yawned again as she stepped into the small living room. Thank goodness it was a Saturday. Had it been a weekday, she would probably skip her morning classes. She dropped her keys with a noisy clang on the glass-top coffee table in the middle of the living room before plunking onto an old three-seater sofa.

'So damn sleepy…' she mumbled to herself, glancing at the clock on the living room wall. It was thirty minutes past six in the morning. 'Still so damn early…'

Himeko shifted into a more comfortable position and stared up at the ceiling, feeling sleep slowly taking over her. She wondered if Switch was really okay, although she could easily tell that he wasn't. How could he be? He was so broken just now crying at the park, that empty look in his glazed eyes, the strain in his voice.

Himeko closed her eyes with a sigh.

' _You and me, we both are trying to forget the ones we love.'_

Switch had quietly gone home after saying that, leaving her staring after him, unable to say anything to make him feel better. She didn't know why, but his words kept repeating themselves in her head as she cycled home. What Switch had said left her feeling unsettled.

'Himeko? What are you doing in the living room?' a chirpy voice asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.

Himeko opened an eye lazily to see Captain putting down a pot of coffee on the table. The dark-haired girl cast her a curious glance as she went to take two of the upturned mugs sitting on top of the narrow bookshelf pushed against the wall next to the sofa.

'I made coffee, by the way,' Captain said as she sat on the single-seater on the opposite side of the living room.

Himeko rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She couldn't possibly sleep with the aroma of coffee tempting her like that. She sat up with a sleepy grunt, watching Captain place the coffee-filled mugs onto worn out coasters before pushing one towards Himeko with a smile on her face. She didn't know why, but Captain's coffee always tasted different, in a good way. She loved it. And she had always looked forward to it in the morning whenever Captain was staying over at her apartment, which was pretty much everyday.

Himeko's gaze fell on the name written in white on the blue jersey Captain was wearing. It said Takahashi Chiaki, Captain's real name, but Himeko had never called her that. She had always been Captain to her since their days in Kaimei High. It was an apt nickname for Captain, though. She was currently also the captain of Sakuragi U softball team, which was quickly gaining fame among the students because of her. A student of the Sport Sciences department, Captain was really popular among her peers and especially among her juniors because of her talent in softball, her cheerful personality and her good looks.

Himeko was glad that Captain had decided to enter Sakuragi U. Although they were in different departments; Himeko in Education and Captain in Sports Sciences, they still got to hang out a lot with each other.

Captain actually had a room in one of the university dorms, a privilege she got along with the scholarship she received from the university. But she would always stay over at Himeko's small apartment located near their campus because, according to her, it was more fun. Himeko didn't mind, though. She was actually grateful that Captain was always around, like an unofficial roommate. It could be really lonely sometimes staying alone in the apartment, and Captain's presence was more like a blessing to her.

'Did you go out earlier? I thought I heard the front door opening and closing just now,' Captain asked, blowing on her coffee.

Himeko reached for her mug and took a careful sip.

'I went to see Switch earlier.'

'Switch?' Captain glanced at the clock with an arched eyebrow. 'But it's still so early. Is everything okay?' she asked with a concerned frown.

Himeko sighed. She put down her coffee and walked to the opened window of the living room. It was an overcast morning, the air still cool from the downpour last night.

'Momoka broke up with him. She's leaving for the US,' Himeko said, placing her elbows on the dusty window sill. 'He's heartbroken that she chose her career over him.'

'What? That's terrible!' Captain cried as she put down her coffee in surprise, the sound of the ceramic mug clashing with the glass-top was loud in the living room. 'I can't believe it…'

'Yeah, I can't believe it, either.'

'Poor Switch… He must be devastated. But, why must Momoka break up with him? They could still stay together while being apart,' Captain pointed out, not willing to accept that her friends' relationship had ended. 'I mean, long distance relationship works, right?'

Himeko mulled over Captain's words, looking up at the grey clouds hanging low in the sky.

'Well, I don't think that kind of relationship works all the time,' she said her thoughts out loud. 'Even those you think would never forget about you can get tired of a relationship separated by time and space, you know. I mean, you don't get to see each other in the flesh often enough, you wonder what they're doing on the other side of the world when you're sleeping, you wonder if they even think of you. There are so many things that make you feel insecure.'

Captain was quiet for a while, staring at Himeko. She then got up to join her at the window.

'Are you referring to your relationship with Bossun, Himeko?' she asked, tucking her hair behind her ear as a cool breeze was picking up.

Himeko blinked, turning to look at Captain in surprise.

'What? No! What are you saying, Captain?' she replied sheepishly.

Himeko shifted her gaze quickly to the street below them, not really knowing where to look. Captain was absolutely right, though. Himeko had absentmindedly referred to her current relationship with Bossun, which she didn't really know how to describe. Was it even a friendship anymore? She hardly heard any news from him for the past year. She would text him asking how he was doing, and he would text back more than a week after, saying he was fine. And that was it. And Himeko was tired of it.

Captain knew all about her insecurities regarding her relationship with Bossun. She had spent nights talking, discussing it with Captain, sometimes venting out her frustrations about his lack of concern for her, about him not contacting her enough, not bothering to reply her emails and messages soon enough. It was driving her crazy.

'It's been a while since you last heard from Bossun, right?' Captain asked gently.

'Yeah. I don't even know what's going on with him anymore,' Himeko said, her tone bitter.

'Are you still waiting for him, Himeko?'

Himeko shook her head slowly.

'Not really...'

It was true. She had given up waiting for Bossun to return home, or to return her feelings. At least, that was what she was trying to do.

'You know, Himeko, I really want you and Bossun to end up together, I really do,' Captain said briskly, 'but if he's making you wait painfully like this without giving you any kind of hope to look forward to, I don't think he deserves you. Don't get me wrong. I like Bossun very much. He's nice and kind and all that. But if he fails to realize what is right in front of him, that is _you_ , I don't think he's worth it.'

Himeko glanced at Captain, not really surprised by what she was saying. This was not the first time Captain had voiced out her opinion about her waiting for Bossun indefinitely.

'It's not like I'm not trying to move on, Captain,' Himeko said with a sigh. 'I think I'm fine now. I don't think of him that much anymore,' she pointed out as she stretched her arms above her head.

'I'm glad to hear that, _if_ that's really the case,' Captain said, going back to sit on the sofa and drank her coffee.

'By the way, is there anything going on between you and that junior of yours?'

Himeko whirled around to look at her friend, amused by her question.

'My junior? Which one?'

'The tall and handsome one. The one from Kaimei High who used to be in the student council. I always see you hanging out with him around campus lately.'

'You mean Katou Kiri?'

'Yes. Katou Kiri.'

Himeko returned to look out the window, the thought of her junior bringing a smile to her face. She remembered how shocked she was when she first bumped into him at the Education department building during her second year.

It turned out that he had also enrolled at Sakuragi U and was a first year student at the Education department, aiming to be a teacher like she was. They kept in touch after that and their friendship grew. They shared quite a good friendship when they were in Kaimei, having similar background and all, and it was only natural to continue that friendship now that they were in the same department at Sakuragi U.

'Kiri's just my junior, Captain. We hang out together because we're in the same department and knew each other from high school. That's all,' Himeko said with a shrug.

'You call him "Kiri"?' Captain asked, mildly surprise. 'You guys are pretty close, huh?'

Himeko cradled her face in her hand, a finger tapping on her cheek.

'I wouldn't say that. I've been calling him Kiri since we were in high school. There was a time back in Kaimei when he had just joined the student council and all the council girls decided to call him by his first name just to tease him. I only jumped on the bandwagon,' Himeko explained with a chuckle. 'Kiri is such a no-nonsense, straight-laced guy. And also intense. It's hard not to tease someone like that, you know.'

'I see. So there's nothing going on between you and him? Because I kinda got the wrong idea when I saw you guys together,' Captain said as she poured herself another mug of coffee.

'That's the whole point. I think Kiri will be glad to hear that.'

'Huh? What do you mean?'

Himeko walked back to the sofa and picked up her now warm coffee.

'I'm actually doing him a favour, Captain,' she said after downing a few gulps. 'Before I explain further, what do you think of Kiri as a man?'

Captain leaned back against the sofa, thinking.

'What do I think of him? Well, I don't really know him so I can't comment much about his personality. But I do think he's attractive. I mean, he has good looks, not to mention he's tall and has an athletic build.'

Himeko pointed at Captain suddenly in a triumphant pose.

'And that's why I'm doing him a favour, Captain. Kiri thinks his pretty face is causing him more trouble than he can handle. He said he had had enough of girls throwing themselves at him during his first year. He's now a second year and he has decided that he didn't want these girls to bother him anymore. So about four months ago he came to me asking if I would hang out with him around campus to show all those girls that he has a senior as a ''girlfriend'',' Himeko explained, making quote mark gestures with her fingers.

Captain laughed out loud at her explanation, slapping her hand against her thigh a few times.

'What? Is this for real? You being his fake girlfriend? But that's kinda pathetic!'

'It _is_ pathetic. But I felt a little sorry for him because he _really_ didn't know how to handle those girls pestering him. All he could think of was having _me_ save his ass from having to deal with those troublesome girls,' Himeko said with a shake of her head. 'But I don't know why, I just didn't have the heart to say no to him. So I just went along with it.'

'So this fake girlfriend thing has been going on for four months? How come you didn't tell me about this?' Captain asked curiously.

Himeko shrugged, downing the last of her coffee.

'I didn't tell you because Kiri said not to tell anyone. Maybe because he knows how pathetic this farce is.'

'Damn right,' Captain nodded with a grin.

It was a lie, though. Switch knew about this. It was weird that she hadn't talked to Captain at all about her relationship with Kiri when they practically talked a lot about everything else. She had been meaning to tell her about it but she was having a hard time trying to bring up Kiri's name in their conversation. Also, she felt like she'd be betraying Kiri if she told her. She felt weirdly... protective… of him.

It was different with Switch, though. She didn't actually _tell_ him about any of this, it was more Switch figuring it out all by himself. Leave it to him to know all the going-ons on campus, and _it wasn't even his campus!_ All he had to do was intensely asked her a few questions he already knew the answers to and _bam_ , he had the truth.

'So what do you get in return? I mean, you _are_ doing him a favour, right?' Captain asked.

Himeko was quiet for a while. There were actually a number of conditions she had laid out before agreeing to Kiri's request.

First of all, Kiri was not to tell people outright that they were 'dating' or that she was his 'girlfriend'. He should just say that she was his close friend and just be vague about it. He didn't need to clear up any confusion or speculation. People seeing them together around campus was enough to make them assume that the two of them were a couple.

'No need to blatantly announce to everyone that we're "dating",' she had pointed out to Kiri.

The truth was, Himeko just didn't want to lie to anyone. It made her feel guilty, and she felt a little bad for the girls pining for Kiri's attention. She knew that letting people speculate and assume was more or less the same as lying, but at least she wasn't _actively_ lying to them.

The second condition was, they would only hang out together on campus.

'I don't want to keep up the farce outside of campus. You're only trying to get rid of girls from Sakuragi, right?' Himeko had said. 'And that means we're only going to hang out on weekdays because we obviously don't need to be on campus during weekends.'

Third, Kiri would have to treat her every time they hang out.

'Treat me to something nice, okay? And I want an added tip in the form of a Pelocan for every time we hang out,' Himeko had concluded firmly. Truthfully, she didn't really mean this. She knew how broke a university student could be. But she said it anyway just to put some pressure on Kiri.

It was amazing how Kiri had agreed to all of these conditions without any protest. It showed her how desperate he was trying to get the girls off his back. Himeko wondered why Kiri didn't even think of taking advantage of the situation he was in. It wasn't like he was being physically abused or anything, he was being chased by girls, for god's sakes. He was Mister Popular and all he could think of was how to make his admirers go away. Sometimes she just couldn't understand boys.

The fourth and final condition was added later after they had hung out a few times, or fake dates as they came to call these hanging out sessions.

'The additional condition is this: Do _not_ talk about Tsubaki Sasuke whenever we have these fake dates,' Himeko had grudgingly said during one of their outings.

'But why? I thought you're on good terms with him? And Tsubaki is Bossun's–'

'Kiri, I said I don't want to hear his name, alright?'

Kiri had stared at her dumbfounded when he saw how serious she was, before nodding without a word. Himeko knew that Kiri had a tight bond with Tsubaki and he was still so loyal to him, and more often than not, even after she had told him about that additional condition, Tsubaki's name would still crop up in their conversations. She didn't have any problem with Tsubaki whatsoever, but she just couldn't help thinking of Bossun, who happened to be Tsubaki's fraternal twin whenever she heard that name. And it just hurt her, and she didn't want to deal with it.

Himeko contemplated on what to say to Captain's question. Somehow, she didn't feel like telling her all the details of her agreement with Kiri.

'What do I get in return for saving his sorry ass? Kiri has to treat me to something whenever we hang out,' she answered simply.

'I see. That's reasonable, I guess,' Captain nodded in approval. 'So, does this strategy actually work? Those girls really stopped pestering him?'

'I wouldn't say it's one hundred percent successful. Some girls still come up to me asking if I'm really Kiri's girl. I just tell them we're close. I mean, I'm not going to lie to them,' Himeko said with a shrug. 'But Kiri says most of the girls leave him alone now. So I guess it works.'

'You know,' Captain started, 'I think it wouldn't be so bad if you two were really a couple. You guys look good together.'

'Not gonna happen, Captain,' Himeko said without missing a beat, but there was a flutter in her chest.

'Why not?'

'Because I'm not into him and he's not into me.'

'Are you sure about that? I mean, think about it. Katou can't tolerate having all those girls chasing after him. But he still hangs out with you. He must like you.'

'That's because I'm not chasing after him and I'm the only girl he knows who would help him out. Nothing to it, Captain,' Himeko said curtly.

She had been hoping their conversation wouldn't steer into this direction because the truth was, she was afraid she would realize something about her feelings for Kiri. It was weird, but she had been feeling attached to him for a while now, and she didn't know what that meant.

'Are you sure he's not into you, Himeko?' Captain asked with a cheeky grin. 'Boys can be really good at hiding their feelings, you know.'

'Come on, Captain. Give me a break.'

'Okay, okay. I'll stop,' Captain laughed as she got up with the empty coffee pot and mugs in her hands and headed for the kitchen.

Himeko stared at her hands, relieved that Captain had dropped the subject.

'By the way, Himeko. Are you free tonight?' Captain asked when she returned to the living room.

Himeko hesitated for a moment.

'Err, why you ask?'

'You know that Parhelion movie everyone's talking about? Let's go see it.'

'Oh…'

Captain frowned when she saw Himeko's lukewarm reaction.

'What? You have plans already? Or have you seen it?'

'Actually, I uh… I'm going to watch that movie tonight,' she paused. 'With Kiri.'

Himeko couldn't possibly miss the glint of excitement in Captain's eyes. She didn't like how happy she looked at hearing that she was going to watch a movie with Kiri. Before Captain could let out a squeal, Himeko quickly added:

'We have the same lecturer for our Educational Psychology class, and he recommended to all of his students to watch Parhelion. He said we'd learn a thing or two about school kids' psychology from it. I actually wanted to ask you to watch it with me, but Kiri beat you to it.'

Himeko eyed Captain who was watching her with sparkling eyes.

'If you want, I can cancel my plans with Kiri and go watch it with you instead–'

'No! No, no, no. Please go watch it with Katou!' Captain declined her offer a little too excitedly. 'I would _never_ get in the way of your date with him.'

' _Fake_ date, Captain. Don't forget that.'

'Doesn't matter. It's still a date! What are you going to wear, Himeko?'

'Doesn't matter what I wear, Captain. I'm just going out with Kiri. It's nothing special, like all of our fake dates.'

Himeko ignored the disappointed look on Captain's face.

_Like all of our fake dates, huh?_

Himeko could lie to Captain, but she couldn't possibly lie to herself. She knew well enough that this was not a fake date. But she didn't know what it was, either.

A fake date was supposed to take place on weekdays on campus grounds only. This movie thing, it was taking place outside of campus, and on a Saturday. When Kiri had asked her to go watch the movie with him, she had agreed almost immediately. It took her a while to realize that this movie outing didn't meet some of her conditions. But she justified it by telling herself that this was an assignment given by their lecturer that they needed to complete. And it would be better to watch the movie with someone she could discuss it with from the perspective of an Education student.

But Himeko knew what the truth was. She just wanted to hang out with Kiri. After months of their fake dates, Himeko found that she actually liked hanging out with Kiri for real. It was fun being with him, and somehow he filled the void, half if not all of it, that had been gnawing at her for so long since Bossun left.

And she knew that Kiri must be aware that he wasn't meeting some of the conditions of their fake dates for this movie night. He had also been acting a little different around her lately.

It made her wonder.


	3. Fake Date Night

Himeko snuggled closer against her pillow as she was rapidly falling through that fuzzy state of half-wakefulness, looking forwards to wonderful sleep. She nuzzled her temple into the pillow like a cat seeking attention, letting out a contented, sleepy sigh. It felt really warm and comfortable tonight, and she couldn't get enough of it. It was really _heavenly_. And that familiar sweet, earthy scent. It was so soothing.

The low humming of the air conditioner which she had pushed to the back of her mind sounded like a lullaby, pulling her deeper into sleep, and the steady swaying, rocking her body softly from side to side was something she hadn't experienced for a long time while sleeping in her bed. It was as if she was a baby again, sleeping in a rocking cradle.

_Wait a minute. Swaying? In my bed?_

Himeko's awareness slowly returned to the fore of her sleepy mind, pulling her out of her doze. That humming sound she was hearing was no air conditioner, it was actually the sound of a train running its course. Himeko's mind was suddenly fully awake as she opened her eyes drowsily, her body swaying to the movement of the train she was riding in. And she was suddenly so aware of the cozy warmth at her side.

Her head was tilted against a man's well-built arm, strands of her dyed blond hair were spread out crazily over the sleeve of his white t-shirt, like she had nuzzled against him more than a couple of times.

Slowly, she turned to look at the person sitting so close next to her.

Himeko let out a gasp, her eyes widened in shock and embarrassment as she quickly sat up straight, her heart beating wildly.

_What the hell?_

She had fallen asleep on Kiri's shoulder!

'S-sorry I fell asleep like that!' Himeko exclaimed frantically, twiddling her fingers as she kept her eyes on her feet.

There was no way she could look at Kiri in the eye right now. This was so embarrassing! She had snuggled against him, thinking he was her pillow. And she was actually on a train! What the hell was she thinking?

'It's fine, Onizuka.'

Himeko blinked. Was it her imagination or did Kiri sound mildly flustered? She eyed his big manly hand resting on his thigh that was somehow mashed against hers. She thought she should move so there would be at least some space between them. She didn't realize how close they were sitting to each other. Or was she the one who had inched over and closed the gap between them when she had dozed off?

She stiffened when Kiri moved away a little from her.

'You okay? You look kinda tired.'

Himeko finally looked up at him, their eyes meeting before Kiri quickly shifted his gaze to somewhere else.

'Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little sleepy. I didn't get much sleep last night,' Himeko explained as she rearranged the strands of blond hair that had escaped her ponytail.

'Don't tell me you stayed up late doing assignments?'

'No… It was something else…'

'Something else…?'

Himeko shook her head.

'Nothing to worry about,' she said with a reassuring smile when she heard the worry in Kiri's voice. She didn't know why but lately Kiri had been worrying about her more than he really should.

She looked around the train, trying to blink her sleepiness away. The whole day since she got back from meeting Switch early that morning, she didn't get to nap even for five minutes. She just went about doing things she usually would and she somehow didn't get the time to have a little shut eye.

She felt fine throughout the day, but now as the day was coming to its end, she was feeling a little cranky from the lack of sleep. She couldn't help venting out grouchily in the cinema earlier when the movie started half an hour late. Kiri had spared her a curious glance, asking her if she was actually hungry.

'Are you trying to say I'm _hangry_ , Kiri?' she had snapped at him before she ceased her grumblings when the movie finally started.

Himeko yawned, glancing at the elderly couple sitting not far from them on the opposite side of the almost empty train. She wondered why they were still out riding a train at this hour when they should already be sleeping in a comfortable bed.

'I can't believe I fell asleep while going out with someone,' Himeko stretched, shaking her head in disbelief. 'I'm sorry, Kiri. You should've woke me up. I bet your shoulder's stiff from the weight of my sleepy head,' she said, lightly slapping Kiri on the arm.

'No big deal, Onizuka. My shoulder's fine. It _is_ getting late, anyway,' Kiri said, making a show of his watch which told them it was almost midnight.

'We should've chosen an earlier screen time now that I think about it. I didn't know the movie was going to be more than two hours long! And it had started late!' Himeko said with a huff. 'I should've checked the run time.'

Kiri laughed, folding his arms.

'Yeah, I didn't know that too. But it was really good, though. I don't mind a long movie if it's that good.'

Himeko turned to look at him with an incredulous look on her face.

'Really? You think it was good?'

'You don't think so?' Kiri asked in return, his sharp eyes looking at her with some surprise.

'Well, it wasn't that bad but I could see that plot twist coming from a mile away.'

'What? Are you serious? I didn't see it coming at all!'

Himeko smiled smugly, letting out a triumphant huff.

'That just means you still have a lot to learn from your senior, Kiri.'

'What? What does that have to do with anything?'

'It has to do with _everything_ ,' Himeko said, waving her hand like she was shooing away a fly.

Kiri snorted a laugh as he pushed back his hair.

'Whatever, man. You make no sense. But you _have_ to admit that the rest of it was really good, right?'

Himeko sighed in mock exaggeration, like she was so done with the conversation.

'Like I told you, it wasn't that bad but I guess it wasn't that good, either.'

Kiri swiftly turned in his seat to face her, not satisfied at all with Himeko's opinions.

'Hold on a sec. Did we really watch the same movie just now?' he asked in frustration.

His eyes suddenly narrowed as he looked at her, one side of his mouth curving upwards into a smirk.

'You sure you didn't sleep through half of the movie, Onizuka? That's why you keep saying it was bad.'

Himeko felt herself turning scarlet. She was certain that she had dozed off a few times during the quieter parts of the movie, but of course she wasn't going to admit that to Kiri!

'What are you saying, punk? I didn't sleep on it!' she snapped, irritated.

'Somehow I find that hard to believe,' Kiri said with a smug look on his face. 'You _did_ fall asleep on my shoulder just now.'

Himeko didn't know why, it was probably because what Kiri was saying was true, and she was still embarrassed about falling asleep on him, but she was suddenly feeling furious.

'Oh, is that what this is all about? I'm _sorry_ for not having enough sleep last night, worried about a friend standing in the rain and then falling asleep on your precious little shoulder because I found it so comfortable! I'm sorry dammit!' Himeko vented a little too loudly, making the old couple look in their direction curiously.

'Looks like a lovers' quarrel, honey,' the old lady said a little too gleefully to her husband who seemed not to be interested in anything that was happening in the train.

Kiri stared wide eyed at Himeko. He clearly did not expect that kind of reaction from her.

'Keep it down, Onizuka,' he said calmly. 'You can sleep on my shoulder anytime you want, I'm not gonna be mad about it. So, calm down.'

And then quietly, he added: 'Sorry about what I said. I was just teasing you.'

Himeko kept her eyes on the train floor. She didn't know why she had burst out like that. Probably because of the lack of sleep which was making her cranky and easily irritated. She knew Kiri was just teasing her. Her ears and neck felt so hot right now. She must be blushing so badly. Hearing that old lady's comment was enough to make her feel flustered, but what Kiri had said after that, it was making it hard for her to look at him. This was what she meant when she thought he was acting a little different around her lately.

When they first started this fake date thing, Himeko had thought nothing of it. She was just helping a friend by hanging out with him. It was a very Sket Dan thing to do.

What she didn't expect was how fun it actually was spending time with Kiri. He was all serious and intense in the beginning, but gradually, Himeko noticed that he was getting quite relaxed around her. She thought it was kind of adorable the way he would be tensed one second before ending up making a fool of himself. He laughed a lot and liked to tease her, too, much to her annoyance, and she could tell that he admired her to some degree. Maybe because she had once saved him from delinquents years ago, and she was the first person he had opened up to about his troubled background when they were in high school. At that time, Himeko could see her old self in Kiri who had wanted to be alone so that he wouldn't trouble anyone. She understood him, and he knew she would understand him. They both knew this was the founding base of their relationship.

During their fake dates, he'd treat her even when she told him he didn't have to. They would talk about their studies most of the time with Himeko trying to give him pointers, being the proud senior that she was, and he would tell her to stop acting like she knew everything. But about two months or so ago, Himeko couldn't help but notice a shift in the way Kiri act around her.

He was still the same old Kiri, but he was a little more caring towards her, a lot more gentle. He asked how her day was whenever they see each other, a thing he didn't use to do. And he was genuinely interested, too. He called and texted her more often now only to say nothing really important. He asked if they could have fake dates more because he said it was easy for him to study with her around, saying it was convenient to have a sort of tutor to correct him. And he kept saying things that might make her misunderstand his feelings towards her. Like that thing he had just said about sleeping on his shoulder.

'Who was that friend standing in the rain?' Kiri asked, pulling Himeko out of her thoughts.

He shifted in his seat to turn around and face her, placing his elbow on the train's window sill, tilting his head with his temple resting against his curled up hand. He was giving Himeko his full attention now and he spoke in a soft voice that made Himeko's heart beat a little faster.

'You know, you can always tell me if there's anything troubling you. I'm all ears.'

There. There it was. Kiri would never say this kind of thing to her four months ago.

And it _really_ didn't help when Himeko misheard him, initially thinking he had said, 'I'm all yours.'

She sighed, confused, wondering what to make of this strange thing she was feeling inside of her. She shook her head slowly.

'Thanks, Kiri, but… don't worry about it,' she said in a quiet voice. 'I'm sorry I snapped just now. I'm just… cranky, I guess, when I don't get enough sleep.'

Kiri didn't say anything for a moment.

'I see,' he said, short, before turning around and pulling out his phone. He was quiet then, eyes on the phone screen.

Himeko wondered if he was somehow nettled by her.

She clapped her hands to her face to stifle another yawn and was a little startled when she breathed in the same sweet and earthy scent she had smelled earlier when she had dozed off. She looked at her hands which were almost engulfed in the sleeves of an oversized jacket.

_Oh._

She had forgotten she was wearing Kiri's bomber jacket. That sweet, earthy scent was the scent of his cologne.

At Captain's insistence, Himeko had put on a cute sleeveless pink blouse with simple lace details at the hem. She had bought it when she had gone shopping with Captain a few weeks ago and she hadn't gotten the chance to wear it. Captain had suggested she pair it with a miniskirt, but Himeko said that would be a bit too much for a casual outing with Kiri. She wasn't going on a _real_ date, after all. She had put on a pair of dark jeans instead for a more casual look. Wearing that sleeveless blouse turned out to be a mistake, though. She didn't expect it would be winter in the screening hall. It was a good thing she hadn't worn a skirt or she'd turned into an icicle sitting in there for hours.

'You okay, Onizuka?' Kiri had asked concernedly half an hour into the movie when he saw her curled up in her seat, hugging herself with her hands rubbing her bare arms.

'Not really. It's so damn _cold_ in here,' she hissed, trying hard to stop her teeth from chattering.

Seconds after she had said that, Kiri swiftly took off his bomber jacket and placed it around her shoulders without saying a thing. His warmth that still clung to the jacket felt like summer on her skin, melting the ice away. Himeko felt so comforted by the jacket that she had forgotten about it completely the whole time she was wearing it. It was probably the reason why she had easily dozed off, too.

_I should return the jacket to him…_

Himeko leaned back in her seat, letting out a small sigh.

It was not hers to keep, she knew, but… she was somehow reluctant to part with the jacket. The warmth, she wanted to feel it a while longer.

Himeko caught sight of her and Kiri's reflection in the darkened window on the opposite side of the train. Through the reflection, she stared at Kiri who was still intently staring at his phone screen. He was wearing a well-fitted white t-shirt, the fabric stretched nicely across his broad shoulders. The platinum hair he had sported during high school was long gone as he now preferred his natural black hair, though now he wore it slightly long, keeping it in a small ponytail with strands of loose hair framing his face. They fell into his eyes as he peered at his phone. Himeko thought he should have kept the bobby pins he used to wear on one side of his hair during high school if he was going to keep his hair long like that. It didn't matter, though. He still looked good either way.

Himeko could see why those girls in her department were fawning over Kiri. He really _was_ good-looking, even now, when he was just sitting there slumped in his seat, oblivious to her admiring gaze. During their fake dates, Himeko loved it when he would lean back in his seat all relaxed, his head resting against the backrest, and then he'd turn to look at her with his head tilted and he just said whatever was on his mind without any care, trusting her with his words. She couldn't help but admire how good-looking he was and at the same time failing to ignore a certain kind of fondness that she'd feel settling in her chest.

Kiri suddenly looked up from his phone and their eyes met in the reflection. Himeko shifted her gaze away, suddenly feeling warm around her neck and ears again. She was flushing, trying to suppress that strange, awkward feeling rising up inside of her.

'You're getting off at the next station, right?' Kiri asked as he pocketed his phone.

'Ah! You're right! I didn't realize.' Himeko got up abruptly, her eyes scanning the route map above the train doors just to make sure.

She stepped back a little in surprise when Kiri stood up too, towering over her.

'What are you doing?'

'Getting off the train,' Kiri replied in a matter-of-fact fashion.

'But why? Yours is still two stations away.'

'I'm walking you home, Onizuka.'

Himeko stared at him.

'What? You don't have to walk me home, Kiri.'

'But it's already midnight. It's dangerous for you to walk alone.'

Himeko let out a chuckle of disbelief.

_He's worried about me walking home alone now?_

'My apartment is only about ten minutes away from the station, Kiri. I'll be fine.'

'A lot can happen in ten minutes, you know,' he countered with a worried frown on his face.

'You _do_ realize you're talking to the former Onihime, right Kiri?' Himeko asked pointedly.

He shrugged.

'But still, I can't let a girl walk home alone this late–'

The train came to a stop and the doors opened. Before Kiri could finish his sentence, Himeko had leapt out of the train. She turned around swiftly in time to put a hand on Kiri's muscled chest as he was about to step out of the train too.

'This is not your stop, Kiri. You're getting off two stations from here,' Himeko stated, ignoring the concern in Kiri's eyes. She pushed him back with some force, making the young man stagger back a little in the train.

'I'll treat you to whatever you want later, Kiri. See ya!'

She flashed him a smile just before the train doors slid shut. She saw Kiri shaking his head as if not believing he had let her go home on her own. Himeko couldn't help letting out a small laugh, raising a hand to her mouth only to realize she was still wearing Kiri's jacket.

'Ah, dammit! I forgot to give it back to him,' she cried, her voice echoing throughout the deserted station.

_Oh well. I'll just return it when we see each other on campus._

Which was probably going to be on the next following week. Kiri had told her earlier that he was going to be really busy with assignments this coming week and he wouldn't be able to meet her for their fake dates. Himeko found it funny how apologetic he was about it, like he was letting her down. But what was even funnier, Himeko was actually a little disappointed there wasn't going to be any fake dates to look forward to this coming week.

_I'll probably gonna miss him._

Himeko was surprised at her own thought.

Since when…?

She shook her head vigorously and made her way towards the exit, her shoes clacking loudly against the tiles. She thought there would at least be a handful of commuters on the platform but she was the only one there.

A cool night breeze greeted her when she stepped out of the station. No one was out and about. The street leading to her apartment was quiet, so quiet that she almost jumped in surprise when her phone started buzzing, the jingle ringing out in the night.

It was Kiri calling her.

'Onizuka?'

'Yeah?'

'You home yet?'

So Kiri was worried if she had arrived home safely. Himeko smiled fondly.

'No, but I'm on my way. You still on the train?'

'I just got off. I uh… I didn't think I saw anyone else at your station…'

Kiri stopped talking. Himeko heard the beeping sound as Kiri scanned his pass at the ticket turnstile.

'I was… uh… Are you okay walking home alone so late?'

Himeko chuckled. She thought this was so cute, the way he was worrying over her.

'What are you, my mother? Stop worrying so much, Kiri. I'm _fine_ ,' she emphasized with a shake of her head. When Kiri stayed silent on the other end, she added, 'By the way, I forgot to return your jacket. Sorry I hogged it to myself.'

'Huh? Oh. Yeah. My jacket. I totally forgot about it.'

'I'll return it when we see each other again,' Himeko said, hugging herself so that she could feel the texture of the jacket on her skin. 'It's so comfortable, though.'

'You can keep it if you want.'

'W-what? I can't do that. It's way too big for me anyway. I feel like a penguin wearing it. Still, it's too comfy to not wear it. It feels so good.'

Kiri's laugh on the other end was interspersed with the sound of his footsteps on the pavement.

'Why are you laughing?'

'Nothing. It's just that you're…'

'I'm what?'

Kiri didn't answer but Himeko could almost hear him shaking his head with a little smile on his face. He didn't say anything else after that, just silently listening to her walking. Himeko wondered if he was planning to stay on the line until she reached home.

She was in the compound of her apartment building when Kiri spoke again.

'Hey, Onizuka. Earlier, you said you'll treat me to whatever I want, right?'

Himeko almost stopped in her tracks when he said that. She had actually forgotten about it.

'Yeah. Have anything in mind?' she asked, digging around in her purse for her apartment key when she reached the bottom of the stairs of her building.

'I do, actually…' Kiri was quiet again for a while before saying, 'Treat me to a date.'

This time, Himeko _did_ stop on her way climbing up the stairs.

A date? What did he mean by that? They had their fake dates at least a couple of times a week. Sure, they won't be having any this coming week, and he was the one who couldn't make it.

Or did he mean…

'You mean, a _date_ date? Like, a _real_ date?'

'Yeah…'

Himeko walked slowly along the narrow hallway towards her apartment door, her heart racing. What should she do? Kiri was asking her out on a date. A _real_ date. And… to her own amazement, she was actually happy about it, like she had unknowingly been wanting to go on a date with him.

Himeko stepped into her apartment, the door closing with a click behind her. She stood at the entrance for a while, a little stunned.

'Onizuka? You still there?' Himeko could hear the discomfort in Kiri's voice.

'Yeah…'

'Look, you don't have to say yes. I was just–'

'Sure, why not?' Himeko heard herself say. 'Yeah. Let's go on a date next weekend. How about Saturday? Sounds alright? If you're done with your assignments by then, that is.'

There was a silence of surprise on the other end.

'Y-yeah, Saturday sounds good…' Another pause. 'A-anyway… you home yet?'

'Just got in. You?'

'Five more minutes and it's home sweet home,' Kiri replied, a distinct happy note in his voice. 'I'll let you go then, Onizuka.'

'I can stay with you until you're home,' Himeko said softly as she walked a little dazed towards her room.

She absentmindedly noticed that Captain wasn't around in her apartment. Was she expecting for Himeko to bring Kiri home with her tonight? Himeko couldn't help rolling her eyes although the thought made her feel… something.

'It's okay. Don't worry about me. Just go get some sleep,' Kiri said. 'See ya, Onizuka.'

'Yeah, see ya.'

And Kiri was no longer on the line.

Himeko stared at her phone, not really sure what had taken place and what she was feeling. She was feeling something, but she didn't know what it was. She tried to figure it out the whole time she was in the shower before finally deciding to stop thinking about it altogether.

She was about to crawl into her bed when her phone beeped, telling her she had just received a new message.

'I think penguins are cute. Good night, Onizuka. Get some quality sleep tonight.'

A good night text message from Kiri. Somehow, it was making Himeko feel giddy. She smiled as she texted back.

'Will do. Good night, Kiri.'

She added a penguin emoji at the end.

She placed her phone on her nightstand, switched off the lights and got into bed. A minute later, a new message came in.

'What the hell, Kiri. Go to sleep already,' Himeko muttered but her hand still reached for her phone, a smile on her lips.

She squinted from the brightness of the screen and saw that it was actually not a message from Kiri, but from an unknown number. Himeko slid her thumb across the screen to open the message.

'Yo, Himeko! It's Bossun! Long time no see! You doing good? Anyway, guess what? I'm coming back to Tokyo next weekend for a short break. Are you excited yet? Hahaha! Come pick me up at the airport on Saturday evening if you can. No wait. You HAVE to be there no matter what. I can't wait to see you and Switch. I miss you guys so much!'

The night suddenly felt so quiet.

In the darkness of her room, Himeko stared at the words swirling around in her head as if mocking her.

'What the hell…'


	4. An Old Comfort

A tinkling chime of a bell rang as Himeko stood momentarily in the doorway of the Crystalline Chill, her eyes scanning the small, cozy space, looking for a familiar face. She couldn't help feeling calm and at ease as she took in the interior of the café.

The Crystalline Chill was just like any other café in the area, its beverages and food were nothing to write home about, but Himeko loved its sky-hued interior; the three-toned blue tiles arranged like fish scales around the counter, the walls painted azure with motifs to look like the lapis lazuli gemstone, the white and beech furniture arranged neatly in the small space brightening up the café.

She smiled when she spotted the person she was looking for sitting at a table for two next to the glass wall of the café, the morning sun shining on him as sparkling dust motes danced about, making him look ethereal and even more handsome than he already was. He seemed oblivious to his surroundings, to the people talking and walking past him, as his fingers typed furiously on the keyboard of his laptop, his hair falling into his bespectacled eyes.

Himeko headed his way with a smile on her face.

'Hey, Switch. Good morning,' she said cheerfully as she flopped down onto the cushioned chair opposite the young man.

She stared at him expectantly as Switch slowly looked up from his laptop screen. There was an eerie blank look on his face, his eyes staring straight past her.

'Switch?'

_Is he alright?_

Himeko couldn't help remembering him at the elephant park four nights ago, how crushed and broken he had been. She had texted and called him numerous times throughout the four days, but Switch had ignored all of them for some reason. She was worried about him. She wanted to know if he was really okay, if he needed someone to talk to after what had happened between him and Momoka. And there was also something else on her mind. She wanted to know if Bossun had told him about his coming back to Tokyo.

She had wanted so badly to go straight to Switch's apartment and ask him personally about it, but she knew he was going through a hard time at the moment and probably needed some time alone. And just when she was about to give up pestering him with her text messages and give him some space, Switch suddenly called her up asking if they could meet at the café where they usually hung out on the weekends.

Himeko leaned back in her chair and waited for Switch to say something as he kept his eyes on her. His fingers then started dancing over the keyboard.

'Good morning, Himeko.'

Himeko stared wide-eyed at the bespectacled young man in front of her, who just held her gaze without wavering.

She could hardly believe her ears.

It had been years since she last heard that digitized voice, and she never wanted to hear it again.

But there it was.

Switch had just greeted her with that digitized voice, speaking to her not with his mouth, but with his laptop.

She felt a tight clutching ache in her heart, her eyes watering.

'Oh Switch…'

Himeko got up and went to sit next to him, gently enveloping him in her embrace. Her whole body trembled as she held him close.

'Switch, don't go back…' she whispered softly, trying to stop the tears from trickling down her face. 'Please, Switch…' she pleaded, her arms tightening around him. 'I'm here for you. So, don't go back…'

Switch didn't move for a long while. He just sat there, still as a statue. But when he finally spoke, his voice was shaking like a leaf.

'It hurts, Himeko. As much as it did last time when… when my brother…'

Himeko made a soothing shushing sound, pulling her arms tighter around Switch. It broke her heart to hear him say that, like his whole life was crushing down on him, but she was also relieved that he had spoken with his voice instead of his laptop. Switch really _did_ love Momoka with all his heart, she could see that. It was obvious. She couldn't possibly imagine how much the break-up had hurt him. Enough, she guessed, by how Switch had gone back to an old comfort of retreating into himself and not speaking with his own voice.

'It's alright, Switch. Everything's gonna be alright…' Himeko said gently, squeezing him tight again.

She felt Switch nodding against her shoulder as he hugged her back, letting out a shuddering breath.

'I know…' She heard him say in a muffled voice before he let her go.

Himeko held Switch by the shoulders and gave him a smile.

'I know it will.'

She was glad, _relieved_ , when Switch finally gave her a small smile.

'Sorry. I didn't mean to talk about this,' he said quietly, pushing his spectacles up his nose bridge.

'No. It's okay, Switch. You can talk to me about this if you want. Don't keep it all to yourself,' Himeko said, returning to her seat opposite Switch.

'Maybe some other time. I…' He fell silent for a few seconds. 'I don't want to think about her right now, so…'

Switch shook his head, as if trying to convince himself, to force himself to not think about Momoka.

'Did you hear from Bossun?' he asked, obviously trying to change the topic. 'That's the reason I wanted to see you, really. He texted me. I'm sure he texted you too.'

Himeko fidgeted in her seat and nodded slowly.

'Yeah, he did…'

'He said he's coming home this Saturday.'

'Yeah… He said that…'

Himeko could feel Switch's eyes on her, studying her.

'And you're not excited about it,' he concluded.

'I… I don't really know what to feel, Switch,' Himeko said, twiddling her fingers. 'I've been waiting and hoping for a long time… and when I'm finally moving on, he decided to come back.'

Switch arched an eyebrow as he folded his laptop close, pushing it to the side.

'Are you really moving on?' he asked.

Himeko was silent. She wasn't sure herself.

'That's okay. Don't answer that. Actually, I just wanted to ask you if you're going to meet him at the airport this Saturday, because I'm not.'

Himeko's eyes snapped up at him in surprise.

'What? Why not?'

Switch shrugged, pouring a cup of steaming hot coffee for himself and Himeko from the pot which the waitress had placed on their table earlier.

'I just… don't feel like meeting anyone when I'm feeling like this, especially Bossun. I just… can't feel happy. I can't act happy, either. And I don't want to see him with this feeling hovering all the time. I'll be a downer, and you know how Bossun is. He'll be worried about me. I don't want him to know about my situation right now. I'll go see him, of course, when I feel a bit better.'

Himeko stared at the darkness of her cup of coffee. That made sense. She completely understood where Switch was coming from. She would probably do the same if she was in his shoes.

'I see,' she said with a resigned sigh. 'I guess that makes the two of us.'

It was Switch's turn to look at Himeko in surprise.

'What do you mean?'

'I won't be seeing Bossun at the airport either.'

She fidgeted in her seat.

'I… already have plans the whole Saturday. With Kiri.'

Himeko flashed Switch an awkward smile when he just stared at her with a look she couldn't decipher.

'Another one of those fake dates?' he asked lightly.

Himeko started to shrug but then stopped. She shook her head instead.

'Not really…'

She wondered how high Switch's eyebrow could go with the way it was arching right now. He seemed really surprised.

'It's for real this time, huh? You really _are_ moving on, aren't you?' Switch figured, seeping his coffee. 'That's good to hear, though. You know, if not because of your relationship with Bossun, I've always thought that Katou was a good match for you. I still remember when he first got into Kaimei, you kept asking me if I had any information on him. It was rare to see you being interested in guys other than Bossun,' he said, sounding a little nostalgic. There was a familiar glint in his eyes and a shadow of a smirk on his face.

Himeko wished Switch wouldn't make an observation about what was going on with her and Kiri, but she couldn't really blame him. She was the one who brought up the subject. At least he looked a little more like his usual self when he took interest in things like this. And it probably got Switch's mind off of Momoka for a moment.

'Don't take it too seriously, Switch,' Himeko said. 'I owe Kiri, and he wants me to pay him with a real date. I don't really know what he means by that, though. But that's it. I don't think there's anything more to it.'

Switch let out a little laugh with a shake of his head.

'I want to believe your words, Himeko, but it's a little hard for me to do that.' His laughter became a little louder when Himeko made a face at him. 'But seriously, though. Poor Bossun. He sounded like he really wanted us to meet him at the airport. I wonder if he wants to surprise us with something.'

He stroked his chin with his fingers, speculating.

'What do you think, Himeko? Maybe he wants to show off his long-legged, blue-eyed blonde girlfriend?'

'Don't know don't care,' Himeko huffed, gulping down her too-hot coffee without thinking. Damn, it really burned her throat.

Somehow, the image of Bossun strolling through the arrivals gate with a beautiful Caucasian girl in his arm with that silly smile on his face made her want to punch something real hard.

'That's it, then,' Switch started again before letting out a mighty sigh and clapping his hands flat onto the table. 'I guess I'll have to go see Bossun this Saturday.'

Himeko stared at him for a second, puzzled. Then she placed a reassuring hand on Switch's, shaking her head with a small smile on her lips.

'No. Don't force yourself, Switch. With what you're going through right now… Just, don't force yourself. I've already talked to Captain about this. I told her I won't be going, and somehow she offered to go in my place.'

'But–'

'It's okay, Switch. _Really_ ,' Himeko insisted and squeezed his hand. 'I don't think Bossun would mind. It's not like we can't see him later. He'll be around for a short while, right? After all, he did keep away from us for three years. What's another day or two?'

Himeko flinched. She must have sounded quite bitter. She knew Switch noticed the bitterness there, but she was grateful he didn't show it. He probably would have pointed out how childish she was being. Instead, all he said was:

'I see. I'll think about it.'

.o.o.o.

Himeko walked deliberately on the warm, sun-drenched beach, carefully placing her foot one after another in the fresh footprints in the sand before her. She ignored the soft thudding of her rubber sandals against the back of her thighs as they loosely hung from her two fingers behind her back.

The wind picked up and she held a hand to the side of her head to keep her loose hair from sweeping into her eyes. The sun was setting, the sight was nothing less than magnificent, but Himeko couldn't help feeling something was not right at the moment.

She glanced down at the larger footprints in the sand that led to a young man walking not far in front of her. She wondered what he was thinking as she stared at his broad back, his small ponytail swaying in the sea breeze.

This was supposed to be a date. Their first _real date_. The date that Kiri had wanted. It had cost Himeko sleepless nights thinking what Kiri had actually planned for their date. She didn't really want to admit it, but she was really looking forward to it. She had thought that she and Kiri would be spending the whole Saturday, morning till night, having mad fun somewhere.

But it looked like that wasn't the case.

Friday morning, a day before their date, Kiri had texted her a short message.

'About tomorrow, let's just spend a few hours at the beach in the late afternoon. We can watch the sunset.'

Himeko had frowned in slight confusion as she stared at the words.

Just by that message alone she could tell that something was off. It was not the first time she and Kiri had talked about their upcoming date since they last agreed to go out after that movie night. She had asked Kiri what they'd do _all day_ , and he had said that they could come up with ideas together about where to go and what to do.

'There're a lot we can do to fill a whole day,' he had said.

And _boy_ that got her excited and she had started looking up all the great places they could have fun together in the city, or even better, _outside_ the city. It had been a while since she last went on a fun trip. She could tell that Kiri was excited too from the list of suggestions he had texted her.

Her excitement about the date had actually surprised her. Himeko had thought she'd feel guilty about not meeting Bossun at the airport, but she didn't. She was worried that she was probably using Kiri as a distraction to force herself to not think about Bossun, but that was not the case either. She was genuinely looking forward to spending happy times with Kiri. Maybe, she was just used to not thinking about Bossun anymore.

'Bossun is coming back, Himeko. You should definitely go pick him up at the airport on Saturday evening,' a voice kept saying again and again in her head since that night she received that message from Bossun. It was hard for her not to do just what the voice was telling her to.

After three long years, Bossun was finally coming back. But she was determined to ignore the voice. It was not fair to Kiri if she decided to ditch him and their date just to go see Bossun walk through the arrivals gate (with a potential blue-eyed blonde girl in his arm). Like what she had said to Switch, she could see Bossun some other time. He'd be around for a while. Besides, he had ignored her for the greater part of three years. She could do the same to him, too.

Himeko stopped in her tracks, her dainty feet each in Kiri's bigger footprints, when she realized he was looking back at her, an amused look on his face, his sharp eyes glinting in the late afternoon sun.

She tilted her head questioningly in his direction.

'What are you doing?' Kiri asked, watching Himeko continue to walk towards him, careful to step in his footprints.

Himeko shrugged with a roll of her eyes.

'Walking in your footsteps, duh.'

Kiri didn't say anything for a second, just watching her coming to him. Himeko was leaping slightly in her steps, wobbling at times, as she tried to reach the next footprint in the sand; Kiri's stride was obviously much bigger than hers with those long legs of his.

'You're cute walking in my footsteps like that,' he said.

Himeko stared at him and realized Kiri probably hadn't planned to say that out loud by the flustered look on his face. She racked her mind trying to find something offhand to say, to show that she wasn't affected by what he had said, but she _was_. And she couldn't think of something clever to say back to him, and the heat around her face and neck didn't help, either.

When she finally reached Kiri's side, both of them fell into an awkward silence. Kiri seemed determined to keep his eyes on the sparkling sea.

Himeko took a few steps towards the edge of the beach to give them both some space, letting the waves crash around her feet. Kiri watched her chase the waves for a while before deciding to join her, quietly raking his hair with his fingers.

'Ah, dammit!'

Himeko turned around at Kiri's small yelp, startled.

'What's wrong?'

Kiri was bending over with his fringes in his eyes, one hand holding his ponytail in place while the other was reaching into the waves trying to catch something.

'My hair tie snapped, I think. It fell into the water,' he explained a little distractedly. He straightened up a moment later with a defeated sigh, both hands on his hips, his loose hair blowing wildly in the wind.

'You're still using those flimsy, stringy rubber bands to tie your hair up, huh?' Himeko asked with a knowing smile. 'I told you they don't last.'

Kiri just shrugged, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

'Here, you can use mine,' Himeko said as she pulled a spare hair tie off her wrist and held it in front of Kiri expectantly.

Kiri stared at it. The hair tie was normal enough with its nondescript black band, but it was the small pink and blue satin ribbon bow adorning the band that was making him hesitate to reach for it. There were ribbon drapes of considerable length trailing from the pink and blue bow, too.

He glanced at Himeko with a ridiculous look on his face, and Himeko just smiled really sweetly at him in return.

She didn't really expect for Kiri to take the overly girly hair tie, but he did, swiftly putting his hair up with it, the pink and blue ribbons a stark contrast against his black hair. Maybe he _really_ couldn't stand having his hair blowing into his eyes.

'I have to say, Kiri, you look so _bad ass_ rocking that hair tie,' Himeko said through her laughter as she watched the ribbons blew in the wind along with his ponytail.

Kiri tucked a strand of his escaped hair behind an ear, one side of his mouth curving upwards into a smirking smile before he snorted a chuckle.

'Damn right I do. No one's gonna dare mess with me now.'

When their snickering died down, they just stood there quietly with the waves lapping at their feet, being so aware of each other's presence at their side.

'Is this really okay?' Himeko asked after a while.

'Is what okay?'

'This. Is this what you really want?' Himeko asked with a sideway glance. 'Just having a walk at the beach with me. Don't get me wrong, I'm cool with it. I like the beach. I like the sunset, too. I'm just not sure if this was what you had in mind when you asked me out on a real date.'

'What? Did you expect a candlelight dinner?' Kiri asked with a light laugh. 'I think watching the sunset is romantic enough.'

'Romantic…? Kiri, you know that's not what I meant.'

Himeko was quiet for a moment, watching the orange sun sinking below the horizon, trying to find her words.

'I'm just worried if there's something troubling you. I mean, you were excited about this earlier this week, and… I was, too,' Himeko admitted. 'I thought we were going to spend the whole day having fun.' She turned to look at Kiri. 'Is something wrong?'

Kiri shrugged, shaking his head.

'Not really.'

'Is it me? Did I do something wron–'

'No!' Kiri cut in. 'No. You did nothing wrong.'

Himeko let out a sigh. She wanted to get an answer out of him but she didn't want to push Kiri. Maybe it was a personal problem that he didn't feel comfortable sharing with her. But the thought of him not being comfortable with her when he was troubled bothered Himeko. Somehow, she wanted him to at least rely on her for a bit.

The sun had fully set now, leaving just streaks of purple, pink and orange above the horizon. And in a matter of minutes the day turned dark, leaving Himeko and Kiri standing in the twilight at the edge of the sea.

Himeko heard Kiri sigh, a sigh that sounded like it was laced with regret.

'I think we should head back now,' he said.

Himeko raised an eyebrow at his suggestion. Even without checking her watch she knew it couldn't be past seven yet.

'What? But it's still too early.'

Kiri didn't say anything to that. Himeko watched him, wondering what was going on.

'Maybe after this we can go somewhere, have dinner or catch a movie–'

'No, we should just… go home… or something. That'll be enough time for you to…'

Kiri fell silent then, not finishing what he was trying to say.

'Enough time for me to what?' Himeko asked in confusion.

_What the hell is going on?_

'Onizuka…' Kiri started slowly. 'Tsubaki told me a few days ago that Bossun's coming back tonight. I… I figured you'd want to go see him at the airport…'

Himeko stared at him in disbelief.

So _that_ was why he suddenly had a change of plans? Instead of spending the whole day with her, he just wanted to spend a few hours at the beach so that she would have time to go to the airport to meet Bossun? What the hell? This was ridiculous!

Did Kiri think she was going to ditch him? To hell with Bossun. He wasn't a kid anymore. He knew his way around the airport. He didn't need anyone to be there to hold his damn hand and show him around. And he could just grab a taxi home or something. Why did she need to go see him at the airport? It wasn't like he was flying _away_. He was touching _down_. He'd be around long enough for her to meet him some other time.

'What the hell, Kiri…' Himeko said exasperatedly with a sigh. 'Is that what this is all about?'

'Don't you like, _like_ him?' Kiri asked with a pained expression on his face. 'I knew you guys were really close when we were in high school.'

'What– Well, yeah, we were close, but I'm not… No, it's not like that. At least, not anymore,' Himeko stammered.

Was it that obvious that she liked Bossun when they were in high school? Heck, even _she_ didn't realize that she liked him until Captain pointed it out to her. To think that even Kiri knew about it…

'Yeah, right,' Kiri said with a roll of his eyes, his shoulders hunching, throwing his gaze back to the darkening sea. He clearly didn't believe those words spouting out of Himeko's mouth.

'It's true, Kiri. I might have feelings for him at some point, but not anymore. And I don't think he ever liked me in that way.'

She didn't know why she was being so honest with Kiri about her feelings towards Bossun. Why would it matter to Kiri?

Maybe she just didn't want him to get the wrong idea.

_What wrong idea? That I might still like Bossun?_

'What're you trying to say? That you and him are just friends?' Kiri retorted.

'Y-yeah…'

'You don't look so sure,' he scoffed.

Himeko frowned. Why was Kiri asking her all this? Why was he trying to make her question her feelings towards Bossun? She was very sure now that whatever feelings she used to have for Bossun had faded. Even if there was a speck of it left in her heart, she was determined to ignore it. Captain was right. She was wasting her time waiting for Bossun to return her feelings. What she used to hope for would probably never happen. He was back here now in Tokyo, yes, but that meant nothing. He would leave again soon. Nothing was going to change. So why? Why was Kiri–

'Onizuka. What do you think of me?'

Himeko looked up at Kiri, wide-eyed.

'Huh?'

She stared at him as he stepped closer to her slowly, taking her wrists lightly in his hands.

'Do I even have a chance?' he asked, his voice quiet, his eyes boring deep into hers.

Before Himeko could process what was happening, Kiri was already leaning in towards her, his hold on her becoming tighter. And following what her instinct told her to do, Himeko closed her eyes, expectant.

Her heart was like a bird trying to take flight in a cage right now, beating wildly in her chest as she waited for the feel of Kiri's lips on hers.

She waited.

And waited.

Himeko opened her eyes slowly when what she was expecting didn't happen, just in time to see Kiri turning his face away from her with a look she couldn't read, before he let her wrists go.

'I shouldn't…' Kiri shook his head, his voice barely audible. 'You should go, Onizuka. He's probably touched down. I'm sure Bossun's expecting to see you there at the airport…'

Himeko took a step back, her voice came out only as a whisper.

'What…?'

She suddenly felt the confusion inside her turning into flaring anger.

_What the hell is wrong with Kiri?_

'Why the hell are you trying to make the decisions for me?!' she yelled at him before storming off the beach, leaving Kiri staring after her in the twilight as he stood alone on the beach with only the waves coming and going at his feet.

.o.o.o.

By the time Himeko walked through her apartment door, it was almost midnight. About four hours since she left Kiri at the beach.

She sighed loudly, leaning her forehead against the wall of the entrance area. She felt so bad doing that to Kiri. But… he was the one who made her angry, telling her what to do and all that.

'Ughh…' she groaned, dragging herself to her room. 'I thought today was going to be a fun day, dammit.'

It was not fun at all, and her thoughts were killing her. She wished her mind would just shut the hell up!

After she had left the beach, she took the train and let just about anything decide what she should do. An ad in the train, someone's conversation on the phone, a magazine on a display rack. Anything would do as long as she didn't have to go home, because being home alone would give her too much time and space to overthink everything. And although the voice that had been telling her to go see Bossun was louder than ever in her head, she definitely _refused_ to go to the airport. She wasn't about to just do what Kiri had wanted her to do. And she knew that _that_ wasn't what he really wanted, if what he almost did at the beach was any indication…

Himeko turned the knob of her bedroom door, dropping her purse onto the floor without much care before slumping her body onto the bed.

 _God_ , she felt so tired. She spent two hours walking around the mall she always went to with Captain, looking at all the things that piqued her interest, trying to ignore that voice telling her to just go to the damn airport and see Bossun.

And then she spent the next two hours watching a movie she didn't really know what it was all about, trying not to think about what had just happened at the beach with Kiri. He had… he was about to… kiss her? Yes… Himeko was sure he was going to kiss her. And she was about to let him because… that was what she had wanted also? These thoughts had driven her crazy as she tried to concentrate on the movie she was supposed to be watching. Thank god the seat in front of her in the cinema was vacant because she kept kicking it in frustration whenever the thoughts came to taunt her.

Himeko rolled on her bed and only then noticing there was a folded paper with a small yellow sticky note stuck on it on her pillow. She sat up, staring at the paper in wonder. She peeled off the sticky paper and read the short note on it.

_Heya Himeko,_

_I'm not going to be around tonight, in case, you know, your date goes really well ;-}_

_Anyway, I met Bossun just now at the airport as promised, we ate some late dinner and he asked me to pass this little letter to you. I hope it's something good!_

_Captain_

Himeko stared at the note, and then at the folded notebook paper with HIMEKO written on it.

_An old-school letter from Bossun?_

She reached for it like it was going to disappear if she touched it a second too soon. When it was already in her hands, she cautiously unfolded the paper to reveal a wall of words scrawled in a handwriting she hadn't seen in years.

_Hey Himeko,_

_You doing well? Hope you are. I'm at some eatery with Captain right now, she's gone to order something again._ _~~although she's eaten like THE WHOLE PLACE ALREADY~~ _ ~~~~_._ _Sorry for this crappy letter. I just wanted to say hi to you but my damn phone is acting up again and won't let me call or send messages. Captain said you have something important to do today so you can't come to the airport. I totally understand. Sorry if I made you feel bad or anything. Anyway, let's hang out soon, alright? Let me know when you're free. I'll text you when I get my phone going again. Take care, Himeko. See you soon._

_Bossun_

Himeko let the letter fall onto her lap.

She really didn't know whether she should laugh or cry.


	5. Crystalline Chill

Himeko zipped up the skirt she was trying on with a sharp, satisfying zipping sound before stepping back in the small fitting room. She stared at her own reflection in the mirror. The skirt swayed about her thighs as she twirled her body a couple of times to see if it flattered her or otherwise.

She frowned. The blood-red frilly skirt was cute and pretty, something she would totally wear three or four years ago. Her teenaged self would love it. But now? Himeko shook her head as she smoothed out the creases in the skirt. _No way_ she was going to wear it. Her taste and style had changed somewhat over the years. She was into something more elegant and sophisticated now.

_Elegant and sophisticated? Yeah, right._

She _wished_ she looked as elegant as some of those girls attending Sakuragi U. They seemed so effortlessly pretty strutting around campus in their sophisticated clothes while also juggling classes, working on assignments and racing against deadlines. She wondered what sorcery they practiced. Most of the time, she barely had any energy left to dress elegantly like she wanted to from the exhaustion of being a university student alone.

Himeko stared at herself in the mirror again. She looked especially plain today wearing just a simple t-shirt underneath a burgundy cardigan, her faded blue jeans hanging crumpled on one of the hooks on the fitting room wall in exchange for the red skirt she was trying on. She really didn't feel like dressing up today, which was weird, considering how long she had waited for this day to happen.

She ran a hand through her blond hair, the dark roots suddenly looking so obvious in the mirror under the bright fitting room light. She really needed to re-dye her hair soon, Himeko thought, realizing how unappealing her hair looked with those dark roots creeping out of her head. Re-dying her hair could be such a hassle sometimes. Maybe she should just go back to her natural hair colour. The blond hair would have to go at some point anyway if she were to become a public school teacher.

_Kiri's gone back to black, too. He actually looks a lot more attractive and mature with his natural hair colour._

Himeko sighed. There she went again, thinking about Kiri.

It had been three days since she walked out on him at the beach, and she just couldn't stop thinking about him, the look on his face, the words he'd said.

She wondered if he was doing okay.

Despite herself, Himeko couldn't help caring about Kiri. She should still be angry at him. She _wanted_ to stay angry at him for treating her like she couldn't think for herself. But she couldn't. Every time she thought of him, she would see that look on his face when he had told her to go and leave him for Bossun. He had looked so… pained and crushed.

And she didn't like seeing him like that.

Himeko had thought long and hard about what had gone down on Saturday. She could be wrong, she could have misread things, but she was sure that Kiri was trying to say, or rather, show her his feelings towards her. She still couldn't convince herself fully that Kiri might really have feelings for her (he could've leaned in just to tease her, right, and not like, really kiss her?), but it was hard to ignore all the telling if not confusing signals she had been receiving from him for the past months. But it was weird that at the same time, he was also trying to get her to be together with Bossun.

Himeko ran a hand through her hair with a disgruntled huff.

 _Man_ , she didn't think Kiri could be so confusing.

And it didn't help that she couldn't fully figure out her own feelings towards Kiri as well, although the thought of being romantically involved with him didn't really put her off.

A soft rapping on the fitting room door almost made her jump.

'Hey, you done in there? I thought you were _trying on_ a skirt, not _making_ one.'

Himeko blinked, that voice right outside her door pulling her out of her train of thoughts. She let out a soft sigh, rearranging her hair and adjusting the skirt before opening the door. She stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips as the young man sitting on the bench lining the narrow hallway of the fitting room area looked up at her.

Himeko watched the grin on his face widen, his eyes appraising her from top to bottom before they locked on hers.

That beaming smile of his was really infectious. Himeko felt a smile creeping onto her own face when she saw Bossun's ever-growing delighted grin.

'Hey, that looks pretty good on you, Himeko!' he said excitedly, getting to his feet to get a better look at her.

'You think so?' Himeko asked, unconvinced, as she made a full turn for him. Her eyes then narrowed in Bossun's direction, feeling a little suspicious. 'Oh hell, Bossun. You're just saying that because _you're_ the one who picked out this skirt.'

'What? No! I'm being honest, Himeko,' Bossun defended with a hearty laugh. He took the hem of the skirt in his hand, studying it before looking up at her. 'What, you don't like it?'

'It's not that I don't like it, it's just something I would've worn when I was in high school.' She shrugged, pulling the skirt away from Bossun. 'I don't really wear cute things like this anymore.'

'Really? I was so sure you'd like it,' Bossun muttered, scrunching his face at the frilly garment. 'So, like, you've grown out of wearing cute, pretty things like this?'

'Yeah, you can say that.'

'Still looks good on you, though.'

Himeko shot him a glance, gauging how earnest Bossun was with his words.

_Didn't matter, though._

'Thanks, but I don't want to dress like sixteen-year-old me anymore, you know. Gotta look my age now,' Himeko said with a wave of her hand.

Bossun nodded in mock understanding, his arms folded across his chest, his eyes closed.

'Spoken like a true adult.'

'It can't be helped that I've changed, Bossun. Time and experience do that to you, you know,' Himeko exclaimed in her teacher voice that she had been trying to develop and perfect. 'I bet you've changed a lot, too.'

'Hmm? You think so?' Bossun asked with a slight arch of his eyebrow.

Instead of answering, Himeko got back into the fitting room and closed the door. She unzipped the skirt and shimmied out of it before reaching for her jeans hanging on the wall.

_Actually, I don't know if you've changed or not, Bossun. I rarely got to talk to you these past years. I don't know how you are right now. I don't know the current you._

Himeko folded the skirt over her forearm and stared at her reflection.

Bossun didn't seem like he had changed much. At least, he was still how she remembered him.

Outwardly, he looked more or less the same, maybe a little taller, a little more muscular, with sharper, more matured features. There was an apparent confidence in the way he talked and carried himself that was absent when they were in high school, and there was a weird little accent creeping around some of his words that made Himeko want to snicker and giggle. It was obviously a result of picking up foreign languages in his travels and not speaking much in his native one. Overall, they were changes that anyone wouldn't be so surprise by.

But there was something nagging at her since she had been out with Bossun for the past hour or so as they walked around a chic, new mall that was in the same district as Sakuragi U and Meikyou U. It took her awhile to recognize what it was, but when she did, she was a little shocked to learn that she could feel that way around Bossun.

It was awkwardness.

She couldn't help noticing the feeling of awkwardness surrounding them. When she first met him earlier, she was at lost as how she should act around him. She didn't even know what to say to him. All she could do was forcing herself to act in a way she thought was normal between them. It wasn't natural at all. And doing that felt weird.

She used to be so comfortable around Bossun, like they were two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that fit and hugged each other's curves perfectly. But now, it felt like they were two pieces from completely different sets of puzzles. She didn't know what had changed, but she couldn't find that rhythm to fall in step with Bossun anymore.

She wasn't sure if she was the only one feeling this way. Bossun didn't look like he was anywhere near bothered with the way he was acting so relaxed and carefree.

Shaking her head to clear her mind, Himeko spoke.

'Where you wanna go next, Bossun? I don't think there's anything to look at anymore in this mall. It's the same old same old.'

'Yeah, I can see that,' she heard Bossun say from beyond the door. 'Hmm… I dunno. What do you think?'

Himeko tried to come up with a good suggestion as she peered at the mirror, adjusting her clothes and hair and checking if her makeup was still on point. Now that she thought about it, what _did_ they use to do when they hung out together back in high school? All she could remember was idle days spent doing nothing much in the Sket Dan clubroom.

'Uh… Wanna go watch a movie?' she offered and immediately made a face. She regretted suggesting that and hoped Bossun wasn't up for a movie. She had had enough of watching movies and sitting in cold screening halls.

'Meh, don't think I wanna watch anything,' Bossun replied, making Himeko sigh gratefully. 'Besides, we can't talk in the cinema. I wanna hang out somewhere we can chill and talk. It's been ages since I got to hang out with you.'

'Yeah, you're right. That's a good idea. Let's do that,' she agreed and opened the door.

'Got anywhere in mind?' Bossun asked as soon as Himeko appeared from the fitting room.

'Let's just take a walk. I'm sure we'll find somewhere nice along the way.'

.o.o.o.

That 'somewhere nice' turned out to be the Crystalline Chill café, much to Himeko's amusement.

They were walking along the lively stretch of interesting shops and quirky restaurants that started from the mall they were at, stopping every now and then to gawk and snicker at weird things at the shops, when it suddenly started raining. When the rain turned into a mild storm, Himeko and Bossun decided to take shelter at the café they were walking in front of, and that café just happened to be the Crystalline Chill.

Himeko couldn't help pointing out to Bossun that this was where she and Switch usually hung out.

'So, this is your hang out spot with Switch?' Bossun asked as he sunk into a comfy white and beech seat, his eyes gazing around, taking in the interior of the blue-hued café.

Himeko took off her rain-stained cardigan and draped it on the back of her chair before sitting down.

'Yeah. It's nice and close to Sakuragi and Meikyou. Pretty convenient for us,' Himeko said. 'You like it?'

'Yeah, I like it. It's pretty cool. I can definitely feel the…' Bossun closed his eyes and took in a deep breath in an over-the-top manner, his hand twirling about dramatically, 'the _crystalline chill_.' And then he burst out laughing.

Himeko rolled her eyes with a groan. 'Is that supposed to be funny? I'm not laughing, though.'

'Aww, come on, Himeko. Just let me make these silly jokes. I know you miss them,' Bossun grinned, winking at her and he laughed again.

'Yeah, right,' Himeko muttered.

The waitress came to take their orders and before long, she was setting down their drinks on the table.

'Seriously, though. This place is cool,' Bossun said again. 'I can see why you and Switch like to hang out here.'

He stared into his steaming black coffee, stroking the rim of the cup with a finger for a few circles, pondering.

'Speaking of Switch, is there something going on with him?' he asked, his tone shifting to sound more serious.

Himeko tilted her head. 'What do you mean?'

'I saw him two days ago,' Bossun said, leaning back in his seat. 'I didn't really plan on seeing him that day, I just… happened upon him. I was strolling around the neighbourhood, and I saw him at the elephant park, sitting on the swing all by himself doing nothing but stare at, I dunno, something that was obviously only in his mind.'

'Did you go talk to him? What did he say to you?'

'Not much. He was surprised to see me there and then we talked for a while. He was his usual self, like how I remember him, except that he couldn't fool me. I could tell that something was off.'

Himeko's eyes flickered from the heavy rain outside, to Bossun's frowning face and finally to her green tea latte.

'Oh yeah?' she said a little awkwardly.

Bossun studied her hard and long.

'I know you know what's going on with him, Himeko,' he said, and when Himeko remained quiet, he insisted. 'Does it have anything to do with Momoka?'

She glanced up at him, resigned. 'How did you know?'

'The way he acted that day… It kinda reminded me of the time when he lost his brother,' Bossun said, barely hiding his concerned scowl. 'It was… unnerving to see him like that. I never thought…'

Himeko's cup let out soft little tinkles when she absently stirred her latte with a spoon.

'Yeah, you're right. Momoka broke up with him a few weeks back. She's going to the US for work. Switch was so crushed because of it,' she admitted reluctantly. 'He didn't want you to know about it because he knew you'd feel bad for him. He didn't want that. But it's quite bad, Bossun. He even spoke to me with his laptop at one point.'

'He did?' Bossun asked, his voice spiking in surprise.

'Yeah. I was really upset when he did that. To think that he'd go back to not speaking,' Himeko shuddered. 'Thank god he didn't stick to it.'

'Looks like it's really eating him up, huh.'

'Well, he _did_ fall hard for Momoka. It's actually no surprise that he was devastated about it. I mean, it took Switch a while to let himself let Momoka in. And Momoka was so patient waiting for him to let her in. That's why I can't believe she was so willing to let Switch go just because she's going overseas.'

Bossun rested his elbows on the table and cradled his cheek in his palm, contemplating.

'I dunno, Himeko. Maybe she just didn't want to hurt him more. Long distance relationship can be a pain in the ass, sometimes. It can be pretty hard to keep in touch and keep up with someone.'

Himeko stared at him.

Was he referring to his and her relationship? As in _their_ relationship?

'You talking from experience?' she asked quietly, a little afraid to hear his answer.

Bossun shot her a weird glance.

'Uh, no? Only that I've heard plenty of stories about this from Ryan and people I've met abroad.' He sipped his coffee before continuing. 'One of the best things about travelling is you get to meet different people and listen to their experiences and stories. You won't believe some of the outrageous things I've heard, Himeko. Anyway, stories about long-distance relationship are one of the more common things I hear from travellers like me. And they aren't always good.'

Himeko just continued to stare at him, patiently waiting for Bossun to get to his point.

'Even Ryan used to be in a long-distance relationship before. He told me he was in a relationship with a girl he knew since they were seven. They basically knew each other their whole lives. At twenty he went travelling abroad, and things started to fizzle out from then, he said. He thought it was going to be easy enough to maintain a relationship while being away from each other for so long, but after a few years of… I dunno, of not getting enough of what they both needed from each other, I guess, the relationship just ended because they couldn't get it to work. And he told me when they were in high school they were so confident that they'd get married to each other. Guess _that_ didn't happen.'

Bossun shrugged and sipped his coffee again.

Despite what she had said to Captain about long-distance relationship more than a week ago, Himeko couldn't help but bristle at what Bossun was telling her.

'Not all long-distance relationships are like that, Bossun. A lot of them work. So many people in the world are in a long-distance relationship. They _work_ , dammit. Did Ryan think about his girlfriend enough? Did he give her his full attention whenever he could or whenever he had the chance or time? Maybe Ryan was just terrible at communicating with her. Maybe he should've tried harder to make it work. Maybe he just didn't get in touch with his girl often enough. Maybe–'

'Whoa! Relax, Himeko,' Bossun backed off in his seat, hands splayed, eyes wide and surprised by Himeko's sudden outburst. 'I'm just telling you what Ryan told me. He didn't really give me a detailed written report for me to examine or anything. So I can't really tell you what happened between them.'

Himeko huffed when she realized how tensed her shoulders were and how tightly she was gripping her cup. She didn't know why she was getting worked up listening to Bossun retell this little anecdote. So what? Just because Ryan's relationship didn't work out, that didn't mean all long-distance relationship was no good.

'I don't really agree with you,' she said tersely, her gaze dropping to her hands. Much to her surprise, they were slightly shaking.

'You don't have to. And you could also be right. Maybe Ryan _was_ terrible at long-distance-relationshipping. Maybe they _both_ were terrible at communicating with each other while being apart. Who knows,' Bossun said with a shrug, playing around with his cup saucer, turning it this way and that. 'But I don't actually know what I'm talking about, though. I've never been in a long-distance relationship before, so…' he trailed off.

The two of them fell silent as the rain continued to rage outside. Himeko suddenly felt ashamed for getting worked up about this. She had nothing to do with Ryan and his girlfriend's relationship. Honestly, she shouldn't be bothered about it. But she suddenly realized why she was. She realized that she was actually angry. She was angry at _Bossun_ for not contacting her enough when he was away, for not thinking of her, for not caring about her. She knew they weren't in a relationship, but they were _best friends_. That should be reason enough to stay in touch.

'Is it so hard to find a little time to say hi or ask someone how their day was or to even reply to a short message?' she blurted out without thinking in a soft, timid voice.

'Huh? What do you mean?'

When Himeko remained silent, Bossun stared at her, the gears in his mind apparently spinning, turning. And then he blinked rapidly several times like a thought had dawned on him.

'Um… You're talking about me, aren't you?'

Himeko cocked an eyebrow, practically glowering at Bossun.

'I– I'm sorry, Himeko. I know I rarely get in touch with you when I'm abroad–'

'Can't even find time to text me back,' Himeko shot back coolly as she sipped her latte, eyes on the people walking hurriedly under colourful umbrellas outside in the rainstorm.

'Yeah, I know. Look, I'm sorry, Himeko. It's just that, it's really hard to find time for other things when I'm so deep and lost in my work. Sometimes, I'd go for days without even glancing at my phone. I barely have time to–'

'Is Ryan the same like you?' Himeko cut him off curtly.

Bossun looked at her a little strangely before he slowly nodded. 'Well… yeah…'

'Figures,' Himeko scoffed with a sharp, icy glare.

'Hey, is something wrong? Why are you suddenly so riled up? Because I didn't text you?'

Himeko kept her glare on Bossun, trying hard to hold down the urge to yell at him the things that were bursting in her head. She hated how perplexed he sounded, like she didn't deserve to be on his mind at all, like the idea of him texting her was so ridiculous.

_Yeah, Bossun, I'm upset because you didn't text me, because you couldn't set aside a meagre of your precious time for me, to think of me, because you didn't care about me anymore._

Instead of saying her thoughts out loud, Himeko said:

'No. I just wanted to know why Ryan's relationship failed.'

It was such a stupid lie. Himeko almost cringed at her own words.

'Really?' Bossun asked, the look of curiosity taking over the confusion on his face. 'I didn't know you care about him so much.'

'I don't give a damn about him, Bossun. I just want to know what he did wrong so I could give pointers about long-distance relationship to Switch and Momoka so that they'd get back together.'

Himeko didn't know how she managed to lie through her teeth like this.

'Oh,' Bossun nodded uncertainly, scratching the back of his head. 'That… makes sense, I guess.' He was quiet for a few seconds, watching Himeko with careful eyes. 'Although I think one of the reasons why Ryan's relationship failed was because his girlfriend was also his best friend.'

A chill ran through Himeko leaving her frozen in place when she heard Bossun say that.

'… What?'

'Ryan and his girlfriend. They were best friends before they became a couple.'

Himeko furrowed her brows in puzzlement.

'So?'

'I don't know about you, Himeko, but I've always thought falling for your best friend is not a good idea.'

Himeko's eyes widened at this revelation. It shouldn't have surprised her, but it did. All those years of friendship, Bossun had never once let his opinion about this matter known. But that was only natural, seeing how rarely they discussed about love or romantic relationship seriously. Did they ever have a real talk about things like this? Of other people's relationship, yes, what with people coming left and right seeking for love advice from the Sket Dan, but of their own relationship or ideas about love, no. Himeko couldn't remember having a real, long conversation concerning the heart and feelings with Bossun when they were in high school.

Her shiny eyes flickered his way.

'Why not?' she asked a little aggressively. 'Why is falling for your best friend not a good idea?'

'I mean, it's a lot more exciting to fall for someone that you haven't totally figure out, you know? I think that's part of the appeal and attraction. You can't have that if you fall for your best friend.'

'But if you fall for your best friend, you can rest assured _because_ you already know what they're like,' Himeko countered heatedly.

'True, but I guess I just prefer the thrill of the unknown,' Bossun admitted with a sheepish grin. 'I'm not saying you can't fall for your bestie, I just don't prefer it. Besides, it complicates things when the relationship doesn't work out, you know. You lose the relationship _and_ the friendship. You're just left with nothing. I'd rather lose one or the other than lose both.'

Himeko shook her head softly, finding it hard to process what Bossun was saying.

_So Bossun's been holding on to this idea, to this principle since, what, high school?_

'Talking about this kinda reminds me of that time when we were at the airport,' Bossun said, reminiscing.

Himeko forced her reeling mind to focus, her hands mechanically picking up her cup to her lips.

'At the airport?'

'Yeah, that day when I was leaving for the US. You said you loved me.'

Himeko sputtered her latte all over the table.

'Why are you bringing that up?!' she shrieked, her face flushing.

Bossun gave her an easy shrug.

'No reason. It's just that sometimes I think about it.'

'You think… W-What do you mean?'

_What does he mean that he thinks about it? What–_

'I mean, I know you meant it like, you love me as a friend, like you love Switch and Captain and everyone else, but sometimes I wondered if you had meant it like, you know, in a romantic way.'

Himeko stared at him. She stared at him so hard she could probably burn a hole through his thick skull.

What was Bossun getting at now? What was he trying to _say_? Her heart had started to race and she wished it hadn't, because she knew it wasn't worth getting hyped up about nothing.

_Yes. This is going to be about nothing. Bossun is not going to say anything you want to hear, Himeko. Besides, you're moving on. Right? It doesn't matter what he's going to say._

But she just couldn't help asking.

'Bossun, what–'

'As if!' Bossun roared with laughter, slapping a hand on the table with a sharp smack. 'Seriously though, I can't imagine it. You and me, together? Being romantically involved? Man, _no way!_ '

'Huh?'

'No offense, Himeko. You're pretty and great and strong and all that but I just can't see us together. It'd be a whole new level of disaster!'

Bossun's laughter filled the space between them, drowning out the sound of the rain outside.

Himeko's grip on her cup loosened, her eyes still staring at Bossun's laughing face.

So… the idea of Himeko and Bossun being together was laughable, it seemed.

Hilarious.

_It's so funny I can't even find the voice to laugh along with him._

Himeko slumped in her seat, her watering eyes trained hard on her hands resting in her lap.

'Y-yeah… I guess…' She willed her brimming tears not to flow out of her eyes as she said that.

 _Of course_.

It hurt.

All these years, she had expected something like this was going to happen sooner or later. Something that would make her realize how ridiculous it was for her to harbor feelings for Bossun. She just didn't expect it to hurt so much. She had moved on from Bossun. Yes. This was a fact. Her feelings for Bossun had faded, eroded by time and space and disappointment and her own coaxing words. She was past pining for him, past waiting for him to return her feelings. She shouldn't feel upset about it. She _really_ shouldn't be crying because of it. But to finally learn how Bossun really saw her, how he really couldn't see her to be more than just his best friend… it was just too hurtful.

She wished she knew this years ago.

She wished she never had feelings for Bossun.

Himeko pushed her chair back with a soft scraping sound as she slowly stood up.

'Bossun… I– I have to go. I just remembered I… need to be somewhere else… right now…'

Bossun looked up at her with a puzzled frown.

'What? Really?' He glanced uncertainly at the sheets of rain hammering the streets outside. 'Can't it wait? It's raining like crazy out there.'

'I'll be fine. I just, need to go. Thanks for your time, Bossun.'

Himeko ignored the bewildered look Bossun was giving her as she dashed for the door and into the unrelenting rain. She kept walking without knowing where she was going. She didn't stop when her feet landed in a puddle of rain, staining her shoes. She didn't stop when a car passing by splashed her with standing rain water collecting along the road, drenching her even more. She didn't stop when people around her shrieked and ducked at the sudden very bright lightning forking the sky.

She only stopped when she felt warm, firm hands on her shoulders, shaking her to her senses.

'Hey, you okay?'

Himeko just blinked up at the blurry face in front of her. It took her a while to realize she had tears in her eyes.

'Onizuka, what's wrong? Why are you walking in a storm like this?'

Kiri was looking at her with concern etched onto his face, the worry apparent in his sharp eyes. Himeko just shook her head, her whole body trembling, shivering from the wind and the rain and the truth she had been dreading, the truth she had been told. She let Kiri dragged her to a deserted bus stop to take shelter from the rain, not that it mattered with how they both were already soaking wet.

'Hey, Onizuka. Look at me.'

Kiri's voice was gentle as he pulled at Himeko's chin to make her face him. Himeko's dazed eyes were slowly clearing, refocusing on what Kiri was saying.

'Are you okay?' he asked again.

Himeko took in a deep, steadying breath when she finally pulled herself together. She blinked away the tears before they could roll down her face. She gave Kiri a small, dejected smile and nodded, rain water dripping from her face and hair.

'Yeah… I'm okay. I'm fine, Kiri.'

Kiri stared at her, taking in the state she was in.

'You know what, Onizuka?' he said softly, pushing back a strand of wet hair from her eyes. 'When you're happy, it shows. And when you're hurting, it shows too.'

Himeko stared unblinking at him, trying not to let her lips tremble, trying not to let her heartache show and failing miserably. Tears started to pool in her eyes again, and as the tears streaked down her face, she took a step closer and held Kiri tightly as if clinging for dear life, her body shaking as she cried hard against his chest, unable to withhold the hurt any longer.

The storm kept on raging as the two of them held each other.

Unbeknownst to Himeko, Bossun had run after her a few minutes after she had left the café, snatching the cardigan Himeko had left forgotten draped around her chair and clumsily handing money to the startled cashier at the counter before running out of the Crystalline Chill and into the rain to catch up with her.

He ran around a few corners, ignoring the splashing puddles about his feet and came to an abrupt stop when he saw Himeko standing at a bus stop in the arms of a tall man, who seemed to notice Bossun when he briefly looked up from Himeko. There was a flash of recognition in his eyes that told Bossun the man knew who he was. And Bossun suddenly realized he knew who that man was, too.

Bossun took slow, unsteady steps backwards, the rain pelting his skin like bullets, eyes locked on the couple sharing an embrace at the bus stop, before he finally tore his gaze away and left.


	6. Shards of Glass

Himeko didn't remember much of the train ride home. All she knew was that Kiri had been at her side all that time, his hand gently holding on to hers, warming her cold skin, pulling her out of her unsought thoughts with a soft squeeze whenever her eyes started glazing and her mind wandered back to that scene at the café.

The sky was still low and dark, the rain kept on falling as Kiri quietly walked Himeko home from the train station to her apartment. He had took his jacket off and held it spread above Himeko to keep the rain from drenching her more. Himeko thought Kiri must've known it was actually pointless to do that when she was already soaked to the bone, but she let him do whatever he wanted after she had done whatever she wanted with him at the bus stop, startling him suddenly by hugging him and crying in his chest when he had no clue what was going on. She wondered why Kiri was still putting up with her antics. But she had to admit, it was nice not to feel the rain pummeling her face for once.

'Come on in,' Himeko said, her voice faint, when she saw Kiri hesitating just outside her front door.

He stood staring at her, watching uncertainly as she stepped into her living room and leaving a trail of rain water from the entrance to the coffee table where she was standing next to, looking at him strangely.

'Uh… I don't think… I'll just go home now,' he managed to say, turning around to leave before Himeko rushed back to the front door and pulled him by the arm into her apartment. She slammed the door shut behind her and forcefully pushed Kiri towards the living room.

'Trust me, Kiri, you'll be sick as hell later if you get another drop of rain on you,' Himeko chided, gesturing at Kiri's wet strands of hair plastered to his temples. She noticed the way Kiri was eyeing the rain water pooling at his feet.

'Don't worry about that. I'll just mop it up later. Go sit on the sofa, I'll go get a towel for you. The sofa's PU leather, by the way, so don't go worrying about soaking it wet,' Himeko said with a reassuring smile and snatched Kiri's wet jacket from his hands. 'I'll go hang this to dry.'

'Y-yeah… thanks,' Kiri muttered and awkwardly sank into the sofa, watching water from his clothes collecting in the creases of the leather.

Himeko went to her room to fetch the towels from her closet and stopped in shock when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She was such a horrible mess, eyes still a little puffy and red, hair limp and dripping rain water, clothes sticking to her skin, dark tracks of her eyeliner running down her face.

She pulled out a wetwipe from a box on her vanity and scrubbed her face clean more harshly than she should, as if trying to scrub her memory away instead of her ruined makeup and tear tracks.

'Damn, I'm a mess…'

The _whole day_ was a mess.

Now that she had calmed down, Himeko regretted some of the things she had done. She hated that she had left Bossun dumbfounded at the café just because she was too weak to face the truth. Bossun was probably confused by her sudden departure, probably wondering if he had done something wrong. He hadn't, really. All he did was tell her the truth, and she was the one who couldn't handle it. She hated that she had cried, because she shouldn't have. Bossun meant nothing more to her than just her best friend.

And she hated that she had dragged Kiri into this pathetic mess and made him worry about her.

All those while when they were at the bus stop, when they were on the train, he hadn't said much, only asking her if she was okay. He didn't ask her why she was crying but he calmed her down anyway, holding her like she would break if he let her go, being so gentle with her.

Himeko sighed. Kiri really shouldn't be treating her this nicely. She felt like she didn't deserve it when the last time they parted she had shouted at him in anger.

She quickly patted down her wet clothes with a towel until they weren't dripping water so much, not really bothering to get out of her wet clothes. She then went back to the living room to deliver Kiri his towel.

She found him sitting silently on the sofa, his body shivering a little from the wind blowing in through the opened window, his hair still dripping wet as he was trying to siphon the pooling water on the seat with the hem of his wet shirt. She suppressed a giggle at the amusing sight of his futile attempt, but it died out completely when she realized just how wet Kiri's white shirt was. She could clearly see his skin through the wet material, sticking to his broad shoulders, his well-defined arms, his muscled chest…

Himeko shook her head vehemently to get the inappropriate thoughts out of her head and purposely marched towards him.

'Here's your towel,' she announced, her voice a little too loud.

Instead of handing him the towel like she really should have, Himeko stood in front of Kiri, draped it on his head and started rubbing the water out of his hair like he was a cuddly dog.

'Oh! You're using my cute, girly hair tie to tie up your hair!' she said with a yelp of gleeful laughter, delighted when she noticed the familiar blue and pink ribbons tangled in his hair.

She let the towel fall to Kiri's lap as she reached for his ponytail and pulled away the hair tie to let his hair loose so that she could dry them properly.

'I knew you'd love it,' she grinned cheekily, waving the hair tie in front of Kiri.

But when her eyes met his, her grin faltered.

Kiri was watching her intensely, his stare smoldering and Himeko's heart immediately started racing. She felt a hand snag her wrist, pulling her down softly until she stumbled onto Kiri's lap without much grace. He kept his eyes on her, his free hand raised to her cheek, caressing it as if wondering where all that runny eyeliner tracks had gone to.

The feeling was back. The same feeling Himeko had felt when she was with Kiri at the beach, when she had closed her eyes in anticipation of his kiss that never materialized.

She leaned in closer to him, her eyes roaming his face. There was uncertainty there, she realized. When she saw Kiri turning his face away, trying to deny his own desires, she grabbed his face and kissed him.

Kiri might be denying himself what he wanted, but Himeko wasn't going to do the same. She would do whatever she wanted now after such a crappy day she had.

Kiri remained still for a second or two when Himeko's cool lips touched his before he started to kiss her back, hesitantly at first, and then their kiss became frantic and passionate like they were running out of time. Kiri's hands were in her damp hair, at the sides of her neck, running up and down her back. Himeko's were the same, raking through and pulling at Kiri's hair, arms hooked around his neck.

Kiri pulled her into a tight, crushing embrace when Himeko spread her legs and had her knees on either side of his hips, holding her close in his strong arms. He kissed her deep and hard, barely stopping to catch his breath or letting Himeko catch hers, forcing a satisfied whine out of her at one point, and then he abruptly pushed her back as if she had turned into hot coal and was burning his skin.

'Onizuka…' he rasped, breathing heavily, his eyes glazed and wild.

Himeko stared at him, panting, wondering why he was stopping.

'I… I shouldn't… You're…' Kiri stammered, running a trembling hand through his hair.

'Kiri…'

Softly, he pushed her off his lap and stood up.

'I should go…'

He looked at her with what could only be guilt in his eyes, which confused Himeko even more.

'I'm sorry, Onizuka,' he whispered and dazedly made his way towards the front door, closing it with a quiet thud as he left and was back in the rain.

Himeko didn't know how long she had stared at the closed door before she let herself slump back onto the sofa, stumped and at a lost.

.o.o.o.

The sound of a honking car startled Himeko out of the trance she was currently trapped in. She glanced at the red vehicle passing by her as it swerved around the corner of the hill before disappearing down the sloping road.

She let out a puff of air, settling back to perch on her bicycle, watching the view of the city from the top of the small hill near her neighbourhood.

The dark, downcast sky let out a low, faraway rumble, a warning that there was possibly going to be more rain coming.

Himeko groaned.

'Please don't start raining again,' she prayed to the cool breeze swirling about her.

That Friday morning was as gloomy as she was feeling but at least it had stopped raining. The rain didn't stop for the past two days, only changing in intensity from a storm to a drizzle to outright downpour again before ceasing into gentle showers and then finally stopping.

Thank goodness for that.

The rain was getting to her, driving her crazy as it kept reminding her of what happened two days ago; the truth that she'd learned from Bossun at the Crystalline Chill, and that kiss she shared with Kiri.

Just recalling that moment had Himeko blushing furiously. She didn't know how she could be so bold then, kissing Kiri like that. She had never wanted to kiss someone so badly before, not even Bossun. She had never realized how much she was attracted to him, how much she actually wanted him. The kiss, it was all she could ever wanted at that moment, and when he had suddenly pulled back from her, fixing her with that guilt-laden gaze, she didn't know what went wrong.

Himeko glanced at her phone she was holding in her hand. She unlocked it, fingers hovering over the screen in hesitation before she breathed out another sigh and put the phone away.

She hadn't contacted either Bossun or Kiri after what had happened, and neither of them had tried to reach out to her, which was making her anxiety even worse. She really wanted to apologize to Bossun for leaving all of a sudden, but she just couldn't get herself to call or even text him. She didn't trust herself to not say something she actually didn't want to say to him. And she didn't want to remind herself of the hurt.

As for Kiri, she just didn't know what to say to him. What _should_ she say to him? _Sorry I kissed you?_ Did he even want her to kiss him? She really wanted to know why he was feeling guilty, if she was right at reading the look in his eyes just before he left her apartment.

Seriously, this whole thing was driving her crazy! Why did things have to be so damn complicated?

'Maybe I should go punch some punks or something,' she grumbled to herself and started cycling down the road.

She had been stuck at home brooding for two days trying to sort out her feelings. But that didn't seem to do her much good. And it was such bad timing that Captain had to go for softball training camp the whole week, leaving Himeko to deal with her tangled up feelings alone. Himeko had wanted to talk to Captain so bad about what had happened.

Captain would probably congratulate her for kissing Kiri and assure her that she didn't hurt Bossun's feelings for suddenly leaving. She probably could dissect and tell her why Kiri was hesitating, or why she had felt so hurt by Bossun's words when she was no longer pining for him. That one confused Himeko somewhat. She had wondered why learning that Bossun could only see her as a friend hurt a lot when she had already moved on from him. Could she still unconsciously have feelings for him? She hoped not, because that would only hurt her more later.

Thinking about this had put a strain on her brain so much that she eventually shut down, sleeping more hours than she usually did for the past two days. That morning, Himeko had woken up to the dim sunrays shining through the gaps of her window curtains and she thought maybe a little sunshine and the fresh world after the rain would ease her mind a little.

She ended up cycling around her neighbourhood without any particular destination in mind and eventually she let her feet pedal herself wherever they wanted to take her.

It didn't surprise her much when she realized she had made her way to Switch's apartment building several neighbourhoods away from her own. She'd been considering talking about what was troubling her with Switch, but she was unsure if he was willing to listen to her petty problems when he himself was dealing with a major heartbreak.

But here she was, already parking her bicycle and climbing up the stairs towards Switch's apartment.

When Himeko reached Switch's unit, she was starting to worry when she saw the front door stood slightly ajar. She was a regular visitor to Switch's place and as far as she knew, Switch wasn't the type to leave his front door unlocked, let alone left opened.

Himeko stepped into the doorway, hovering for a second before calling out for her friend.

'Switch? Are you in there?'

She waited patiently, cupping an ear to catch a reply, but there was none. She could hear a faint voice coming from inside, however. Like someone was talking.

'Switch? Are you okay? I'm coming in,' she said as she stepped into the entrance area and took off her shoes rather hurriedly.

She looked around the familiar space, eyes wary, her body suddenly tensed. Quietly, she rounded the thin wall that separated the entrance and the living room, and was immediately frozen in place at the sight that greeted her.

Bossun was sitting on the floor next to Switch's low Japanese table, equally stunned to see Himeko standing there as he pulled his earphones out of his ears.

'Himeko?'

'Bossun? What are you doing here?'

'I'm here to see Switch,' Bossun replied, still blinking up at her.

'Oh.'

Himeko just stared back at him, lost for words.

'I– I'm here to see him too.' She looked around uncertainly. 'Where is he anyway? I was worried because the front door was left opened.'

'Oh, that was me! I forgot to close the door when I came in earlier,' Bossun said sheepishly, slapping a hand to his forehead. 'Sorry.'

'It's okay, I guess. I was just worried. I called out a couple of times but there was no answer, so I just invited myself in.'

'Sorry. I was on the phone just now, didn't really hear you call out or anything.'

Himeko nodded absentmindedly, her gaze shifting from a poster of Momoka on the wall to Switch's gaming console to the stack of mangas on the low table and to everything else that was not Bossun. The room had plunged into an awkward silence, the two of them trying hard not to look at each other.

_This is getting too weird. Say something, Himeko!_

'Um, Bossun? About the other day... I– I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just up and leave, but…' Himeko blurted out, and then realized she didn't really have any words formed in her head to continue her sentence.

'Oh… Nah, it's okay. You got something else going on, right?' Bossun said with half a smile, waving his hand dismissively. 'Don't worry about it.'

'Yeah, just wanted to make sure you're not mad at me or anything, although you probably should.'

'Himeko, it's fine.'

She just nodded again, noticing the strange way Bossun was looking at her, as if trying to figure out something he wasn't sure of, like there was a question at the tip of his tongue.

'Himeko? What are you doing here?'

Both Himeko and Bossun turned around to see Switch emerging from his room, a surprised look on his face, a small white envelope in his hand.

'Switch! Oh, I was just in the neighbourhood, and I kinda decided to drop by to see how you're doing.'

When Switch continued to stare at her without saying a word, Himeko couldn't help wringing her hands anxiously and started babbling.

'Am I interrupting you guys? Should I go? Maybe I should go. Yeah. I probably should go. Sorry for showing up without notice. I'll… just come back another time.'

She turned on her heels like a whirlwind and hastily headed for the front door.

 _This is such a bad idea. Why did I come here, dammit?_ _And why is Bossun here?_ _What_ –

But Switch's hand was already on her shoulder, his grip light but firm, stopping her from going any further.

'You're not interrupting anything, Himeko,' he said, his hand pushing his spectacles up his nose bridge before he pulled Himeko by the arm and force-guided her to sit on the floor next to Bossun. 'Just stay for a while. Besides, it's been some time since the three of us got to sit together like this,' he pointed out as he settled himself around the table.

Himeko's eyes flickered from Switch to Bossun.

Switch was right. This was the first time that the three of them, the Sket Dan, had gotten together again since their high school days. Over the years, she had wondered countless of times _when_ they would get the chance to sit together again like when they were teenagers, just chilling and having fun. She had longed and yearned for it. And now that her wish had come true, it felt nothing like what she had hoped for, nothing like what it had felt back in the day.

Instead of being chatty like he used to be when they were in the Sket Dan, Bossun was unusually quiet, staring at his hands resting on the table, his long fingers interlacing. Himeko could tell that something was on his mind, and he was unwilling to talk about it.

Switch was quiet too, observing the situation, his gaze switching from Bossun to Himeko and back again. There was a melancholy gleam in his eyes, present ever since that night at the elephant park, and Himeko wondered if she and Bossun were actually upsetting him, intruding his alone-time by being in his apartment.

As for Himeko, she was wishing she wasn't there, which really made her sad. This was one of the moments she had been wishing for all these years, to be together with Bossun and Switch like this, and when she was finally granted this moment, she was only desperate to not be any part of it.

Her gaze dropped to her lap, feeling her heart cracking a little. The three of them were like jagged broken shards of glass that were scraping each other. She hated it. She hated that being together with Bossun and Switch could feel like this.

Switch shuffled around suddenly, pulling a plastic bag wedged between his bookshelves and his stacks of books and games and anime DVDs. He took out three cans of soda and placed one each in front of Himeko and Bossun. With a hissing sound, he pulled open the tab of the soda in his hand and held it up, his hand hovering in the middle of the table, waiting for the other two to do the same.

Himeko and Bossun exchanged looks before a smile spread across their faces and they too opened their sodas and joined them with Switch's awaiting one.

'Here's to the Sket Dan's reunion,' Switch said and the three of them clanked their cans together and chugged down their sodas.

'Ughh! Unchilled sodas taste the worst!' Bossun sputtered, his face scrunched up as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

'Don't be ungrateful, Bossun. You're lucky to have that soda I bought a year and a half ago.'

'A year and a half?!' Himeko and Bossun cried in unison.

'Dammit, Switch! You trying to kill us?' Himeko shrieked, putting her soda away immediately.

'No wonder it tastes so flat and weird,' Bossun commented, scrutinizing his can to check its expiry date.

'No weirder than Himeko's Pelocans,' Switch shot back. 'Relax, guys. It's just stale soda. It won't kill you.'

'Yeah, it won't kill me before I kill you first for trying to kill me with stale soda!' Bossun griped.

A smile was forming on Himeko's lips before it morphed into a little giggle. _Damn_ , she really missed the bickerings. For a second there she felt like they were back in their Sket Dan clubroom.

'What's so funny, Himeko?' Switch asked when he noticed her giggle.

'Yeah. Is Switch trying to kill us and himself funny?' Bossun joined in but he was already laughing.

'Nothing. I just missed being together with you guys,' Himeko admitted, her eyes feeling a little misty.

Bossun gave her a smile.

'Yeah, I missed you guys, too,' he said.

'Me, too. I'm glad the two of you decided to stop by at the same time,' Switch said, his smile wide and genuine.

Himeko heaved a sigh of relief, the smile still on her face. Things might be awkward, they might never be the same anymore even, but at least, this moment felt good. It felt right.

Bossun's phone beeped suddenly as a message came in, breaking the moment.

Himeko watched Bossun hunch over his phone from the corner of her eyes and almost stumbled back in surprise when he suddenly got up, giving her and Switch an apologetic look.

'Sorry guys, but I think I have to go now.'

'Already?' Himeko said before she could stop herself.

'Yeah. It's my mom, told me I have to get my stuff… sorted,' Bossun said, exchanging a look with Switch that seemed strange to Himeko. 'I've gotta… be somewhere.'

'Here,' Switch handed the white envelope he had been holding on to since earlier to Bossun. 'I've put the ones you asked for inside.'

Himeko eyed the envelope as Bossun took it with a fond smile on his face.

'Thanks, Switch. Sorry for the trouble.'

He proceeded towards the front door slowly, and then turning around to look at the other two.

'See you guys later,' he said with a little wave. He hesitated for a few seconds, as if weighing his words. 'Thank you for everything, Himeko, Switch. Take care, now.'

And then he was out of the apartment, the thud of the door closing sounded so loud to Himeko's ears.

'Wonder what's that all about,' she muttered mostly to herself.

Switch didn't say anything to that, however. He just got up and disappeared into the kitchen mumbling something about his ramen getting soggy. Himeko looked around the living room as she waited for Switch to return, her gaze lingering once more on the poster of Momoka on the wall. She wondered how many hours a day Switch spent gazing at it in admiration.

'How are things with Momoka?' she asked when her friend reappeared from the kitchen.

If Switch was bothered by Himeko asking about his broken love life, he didn't show it. But he did let out a little breath that sounded like a tired sigh.

'We've actually talked… about things, and looks like we're giving ourselves another chance.'

Himeko's eyes widened at his words.

'You mean, you guys are back together?'

Switch shrugged.

'Can't really say. Yeah. Maybe? It's just…' Switch fixed Himeko with a desperate look that sent her heart thrumming with ache. 'I can't let her go just like that. I might have forced her into getting back together, I think I did, but I can't just…'

His sigh was so heavy Himeko could hear the tremble in his breath.

'I don't want us to be over. I don't know if I can handle her leaving me like this, Himeko.'

It was painful to see Switch in this condition, hurting and dejected and uncertain. She really wanted to say to him that everything was going to turn out fine, that he and Momoka would have a happy ending. But she couldn't do that. She didn't even know the right thing to say. She had never been in a serious relationship like what Switch shared with Momoka, and that was enough reason for her to stop herself from giving him pretty but empty advice.

'I don't want you and Momoka to be over too, Switch,' she honestly said. 'You both are my friends. I want you two to be happy. Maybe… if you want, I can talk to her?'

Switch shook his head.

'It's okay, Himeko. Me and Momoka, we'll try to make it work. I know she had a hard time making the decision to break up with me. I just have to try harder to convince her that things will work out between us.'

'I'm sure things will work out fine,' Himeko blurted out without meaning to.

Switch looked up at her, a wry smile on his face.

'You don't know that.'

'Well, yeah. I'm just trying to be positive.'

Switch chuckled softly.

'Thanks, Himeko. I know you're worried about me… This whole mess, I just hope I'll get through it.'

'It's okay, Switch. I understand. Sorry I brought this up,' Himeko said, cursing herself when she saw the distress on Switch's face.

The room fell silent then as Switch seemed to be lost in his thoughts. Himeko let him be for a while, not wanting to make him even more upset. She was about to get up and leave when Switch started speaking again.

'You were out with Bossun on Tuesday, right?'

Himeko blinked a few times.

'Yeah. He told you that?'

Switch nodded.

'Did he tell you I ditched him?'

'Well, he didn't really say "ditched" but yeah, he told me what happened. He said you left in a hurry in the middle of a rainstorm.'

Himeko shrugged, keeping her sheepish gaze trained on her hands.

'That's pretty much what happened. Did he go into the details?'

'Not really.'

Himeko paused, biting her lower lip. She wondered if she should talk about what happened. But then she remembered that _that_ was the very reason why she had absentmindedly come to Switch's apartment in the first place.

'Bossun brought up about how I confessed to him at the airport that day he left Japan, and to him the thought of me and him being together was ridiculous. I was just… hurt to learn that. I couldn't take it. And I couldn't pretend like I was going to be fine. So I left. I feel bad about it now, though. It was so stupid of me. I really shouldn't have left him like that.'

She carried on when Switch remained silent.

'And I ran into Kiri after I left. Somehow, I got emotional and cried in his chest, and he took me home, and… one thing led to another, I guess. I don't know what happened but… I ended up kissing him…'

Himeko blushed like nobody's business. She could practically feel the heat rolling off her skin in waves. It was embarrassing to say all this to Switch. She didn't know if it was appropriate to tell him about what happened with Kiri, but she needed to talk about it with someone, to let it out or she'd go crazy.

Switch merely hummed.

'I see.'

Himeko had expected for him to be at least a little surprise about it, but he was taking all this in a stride, like he already knew what had happened.

'I don't know if…'

She didn't continue.

'How do you feel about Bossun now?' Switch asked mildly.

'I…'

Himeko's words died in her mouth, not really knowing what to say.

'Let me change the question,' Switch said, not giving her time to think. 'Who do you want to be with right now?'

Those words seemed to catch Himeko by surprise, her mind suddenly wiped into a blank slate before it turned on itself and there was an onslaught of visions, memories, as voices and images came rushing through her mind like the tide before warping into a massive whirlpool.

_'It's because I need you. I need someone strong like you. The club will be a place where you feel belonged.'_

_'You know, you can always tell me if there's anything troubling you. I'm all ears.'_

_'I'm thinking of going abroad. I want to go out there and see the world.'_

_'What do you think of me? Do I even have a chance?'_

There were memories of a boy in a red Popman hat who was always looking out for her, of her crying on his shoulder years ago, and then of a tall man with a ponytail looking at her with his penetrating gaze, his pained and crushed expression as he stood on the beach, his worried and gentle voice in her ear, his arms around her, his hands in her hair, his lips on hers.

Himeko slowly closed her eyes. Her mind calmed into a still lake as realization dawned on her.

Switch just hummed again, a small knowing smile tugging at his lips.

'I think you know best,' he said simply.

He glanced at the small clock placed on top of his bookshelf, and a frown appeared in between his brows.

'By the way, Himeko. Bossun actually stopped by to give me this. He told me to return it to you on his behalf.'

Himeko took the paperbag Switch was offering her, puzzled. She opened it and pulled out a familiar burgundy garment.

'This is my cardigan…'

'Bossun said you forgot to take it with you the other day. You left it draped on your chair at the Crystalline Chill.'

'Oh. I didn't even realize,' Himeko exclaimed. 'But why did he give it to you to pass to me? He could've just return it to me himself.'

Switch let out a heavy sigh as he adjusted his spectacles.

'I asked him the same thing,' he huffed, almost grumbling. 'He had his reasons, apparently. But I think I'll just pretend like he actually wanted me to tell them to you.'

Now it was Himeko who was frowning.

'Huh? I don't really get what you're talking about, Switch.'

'He wanted me to pass the cardigan to you because he won't be able to do so himself. Supposedly.'

'What do you mean?'

'He told me not to tell you this, Himeko, but what the hell, Bossun's flying back to the US this afternoon. At two.'

'What?!'

Himeko frantically looked at her watch. It was already 12.30.

'Are you freaking _serious_?! He can't just leave like that! Dammit! Why didn't he say anything just now? I– I need to say goodbye to him! God knows _when_ he'll come back again.'

Himeko stared at Switch wide-eyed, hands fisted in her hair.

'I need to go to the airport now. I need to catch him before he flies. But, but dammit, just look at the time! You think I can make it in time, Switch? And it's going to be rush hour soon. What should I do? What– Taxi. I need to call a taxi–'

'Himeko, calm down. He's probably on his way to the airport now, if he's not already there,' Switch said collectedly, and then a smile appeared on his face. He held up a keychain of a popular anime character voiced by Momoka with a key attached to it. 'But don't worry. I can take you to the airport with the car I borrowed from my mom.'

Himeko stared at him in astonishment and let out a relieved laugh.

'Damn Switch, always coming in clutch!'

'Yeah, I'm awesome like that, I know.'


	7. The Airport Scene

Rushing into the car only to get stuck in the midday traffic jam, and then jumping out onto the gridlocked road to run frantically alongside the congestion, huffing and puffing and crying and regretting, the mind could only think of getting to the airport as soon as possible as if it was just a five-minute sprint away, and then not making it in time anyway.

None of that happened.

Himeko had expected for things to go down the dramatic path like in movies and dramas, but everything seemed pretty much normal at the moment. She stared out of the car window with Switch driving at her side, watching the city pass her by mundanely, her head unconsciously bobbing to a Japanese version of a very catchy American song sung by an Indonesian girl playing on the radio.

The expressway to the airport was as clear as ever, the traffic so smooth Himeko almost laughed at how ridiculously uneventful things were. She had panicked for nothing. She sneaked a glance at Switch who had been more or less quiet throughout the car ride.

'Hey Switch, do you know why Bossun didn't want to tell me he's leaving today?'

Switch shook his head, eyes still on the road.

'No. I asked him the same thing, but he just shrugged and said nothing,' he replied before giving her a sideway glance. 'Did something happen when you guys went out the other day?'

'Besides me running out on him? No, I don't think so,' Himeko said with a mirthless laugh.

She was sure that was the reason why Bossun didn't tell her. Maybe he was really hurt by what she did to him, leaving him out of the blue like that, and that probably had him deciding she didn't deserve to see him off at the airport.

'Guess I hurt his feelings pretty badly,' she said in a quiet voice.

'I doubt that's the reason,' Switch scoffed like he actually knew the real reason why. 'Don't worry about it so much, Himeko. Bossun's just being a weirdo. Anyway, what are you going to say when you see him later?'

Himeko didn't immediately answer. She wasn't sure herself, either. There wasn't anything particular that she wanted to say to Bossun. She should probably talk about her feelings, back then and now, although the idea of doing that made her stomach quail. But the thought of letting him leave without saying a word to him was unacceptable, especially when she hadn't said much to him after what had happened at the Crystalline Chill.

His words might have stung her, but he was still her best friend, he was still Bossun, the person who had saved her more than once all those years ago. He was and would always be her saviour. She couldn't let something like this leave a fissure in their friendship. Besides, it didn't matter anymore whether Bossun liked her or not, whether his words hurt her or not, because she realized now that she really should move on. In fact, she was sure her heart had moved on to someone else. She just wished she hadn't been too emotionally charged that day at the café.

'I just want to say goodbye to him properly, Switch. I have a feeling I won't be seeing him in a very long while after this,' Himeko said with a little resigned sigh.

It took them about an hour to reach Narita airport from the city, and by the time Switch had dropped Himeko at the main entrance, ushering her to go on ahead and look for Bossun while he went to park the car at the parking terminal, it was already 1.45.

Himeko ran into the airport, her heart threatening to drop to her stomach, but her steps gradually became slow and deliberate, her eyes scanning around the place hopefully even though she knew there was no way Bossun would be hanging around near the entrance at the moment. _God_ , she didn't even know his flight details except for the departure time. And at the back of her mind, she knew that he had probably boarded the plane already, just waiting for take-off.

In a little daze, Himeko made her way towards a bench next to a vending machine not far from where she was. She sat there numbly, staring past the people walking to and fro in the airport, her hand reaching for her phone to call Switch and tell him there was no need to park his car. Just turn around and come pick her miserable self up.

A man who had been hovering in front of the vending machine to buy some juice suddenly jumped into Himeko's line of sight, startling her when he almost stumbled at her feet as he frantically tried to catch the coin he had dropped, the circular thing wheeling around drunkenly on the glossy floor.

When he finally caught the coin in his hand, he looked up sheepishly at her to apologize, but instead of saying 'sorry', the word that came out of his mouth was:

'Himeko?!'

'Bossun?!'

Bossun was half crouching in front of Himeko, hand slapped on the floor over his coin, a look of utter surprise on his face, and Himeko was as surprised as he was, her eyes couldn't possibly get any wider.

'What– How– What are you doing here? How did you–'

Bossun's stream of unfinished sentences stopped suddenly as understanding came over him.

'Did Switch tell you–? Did he–' He then shook his head and let out a defeated sigh. 'You know what, nevermind.'

Himeko couldn't believe Bossun was still there standing in front of her.

'Bossun, what are you still doing here? What about your flight?'

'What about it?'

'Look at the time, dammit! You're gonna miss your flight!'

Bossun merely glanced at his watch and then back at Himeko.

'Don't think so. There's still some time till departure,' he replied mildly.

Himeko fixed him with a look of utter perplexity.

'But… isn't your flight at two?'

'Um, no? My flight's at three fifteen.'

'Huh? But Switch told me–'

Himeko stopped when she realized what was happening. 'Uh… Nevermind.'

_Damn, Switch. He freaking lied to me._

'I, uh, wasn't expecting to see you here, Himeko,' Bossun started slowly, sitting himself next to Himeko on the bench.

'Of course,' she replied curtly, watching Bossun scratch the back of his head. 'Why didn't you tell me you're leaving, Bossun?'

'I actually wanted to tell you when we were out the other day, but I realized I hurt your feelings somehow, though I don't really know why,' he chuckled nervously. 'I figured I must've really hurt you for you to brave through a rainstorm to get away from me. And I felt like, maybe you didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore.'

'Oh Bossun…' Himeko sighed, putting a hand to her forehead. 'It's not like that. It's… You did nothing wrong. It was all me. I… I couldn't handle the truth, that's why I left.'

Bossun turned to give her a puzzled look.

'What do you mean?'

'Bossun, I think I should let you know the whole truth.'

Himeko took in a deep breath, willing away the tingles in her intertwined fingers.

'You still remember what I said to you here at this airport three years ago, right?'

Bossun blinked several times, fidgeting in his seat.

'Um… If you mean that thing when you said "I love you" to me, then, yeah.'

'Yeah. That.'

Himeko bit her lip.

'You actually got it wrong. When I said that at the time, I didn't mean it in the friendly way like you thought. I… I actually really liked you, Bossun. Like, I wanted us to be together.'

She steeled herself and glanced at Bossun. He was now really staring at her, mouth slightly hanging open.

'Yeah, I think I was really in love with you.' She covered her reddening face with her hands, suddenly embarrassed. 'Oh man, I can't believe I'm saying this out loud. But don't worry!' she added hastily, hands now up in the air in a gesture of reassurance. 'That was all in the past. I don't really feel that way towards you anymore, Bossun. Promise! It's just that… when you said you couldn't imagine us being together, I just couldn't accept it. It hurt a little, you know, even when I realized I don't feel that way towards you anymore. It's stupid, I know, but I just couldn't help it.'

Bossun was silent. He was still. Only his eyes darted from spot to spot on the floor, his mind processing what Himeko had told him.

'I… I've never seriously thought you'd have feelings for me, Himeko. I mean, I know you care about me, and I care about you too, but…'

Himeko nodded dismissively, forcing out a chuckle. 'Yeah, I know.'

'I had no idea…' Bossun said almost to himself, his voice quiet. 'I'm sorry, Himeko. I really am. I…'

'It's okay, Bossun. Don't worry about it. It's all fine now,' Himeko patted him lightly on the shoulder and leaned back in her seat.

She stared at her hands in her lap, trying to ignore how quiet Bossun had become.

Did she do the right thing? Maybe she shouldn't have said anything. She didn't want things to get awkward for them.

'I hope this doesn't change anything between us,' she said, turning to look at Bossun.

He smiled softly. 'Of course not. We've gone through a lot together, Himeko. We might not always be together like we used to anymore, but no matter what happens, we'll always have each other, right?'

Himeko nodded, smiling back at him. 'Right. We have each other.'

That felt like a burden was lifted off her shoulders.

Bossun's eyes flickered in Himeko's direction for a moment, like he wanted to say something to her but was uncertain whether he should say it or not.

'What is it?' Himeko prodded, not missing the way he was hesitating.

'Uh… Are you and…'

Bossun glanced again at Himeko who was still watching him, patiently waiting. He cleared his throat deliberately.

'It's nothing… It's just, I'm glad you have Katou with you.'

Himeko stared at him. She could feel her face turning scarlet.

'W-what are you talking about?'

Bossun scratched his temple with his forefinger, not really looking at her.

'I kinda saw you crying in his arms that day.'

'What...? What are you talking ab– Wait, you _did_?'

'Yeah. I went after you when you left because you forgot your cardigan, and I was worried about you, you know, but then I saw you and Katou at the bus stop… so I just left.'

'Bossun, I didn't know you had chased after me…'

He shook his head. 'It was no big deal, really. I left your cardigan with Switch, by the way.'

'Yeah, I got it already.'

'Good, then.' Bossun merely paused for several seconds before saying, 'Does he treat you nicely?'

Himeko glanced at him.

'You mean, Kiri? Well, yeah, I guess. He cares about me a lot, I think.'

'You like him?'

Bossun's question was only making the heat around her face and neck even more unbearable. She couldn't help recalling the feel of Kiri's touch on her.

'I'm… fond of him,' she finally admitted. And then more firmly, she said, 'Yeah, I like him.'

Bossun nodded, as if that was what he had been expecting for her to say.

'Katou's a good guy. I'm sure he'll make you happy, Himeko.'

'But me and him, we are not really together–'

'Not really together _yet_ , am I right?' Bossun said with a wry grin, his brow raised a little.

The protest in Himeko's mouth dissolved before she could spout them out when there was a four-note chime ringing through the PA system followed by a lady making an announcement regarding a Japan Airlines flight bound for the United States of America.

Bossun stood up, giving Himeko a rueful look.

'I think I have to go now, Himeko.'

Himeko felt a heaviness in her heart and it slowly spread throughout her whole body as she stood up. Bashfully, she held her arms open, inviting Bossun into her embrace.

Bossun looked at her with a warm smile on his face. He took a step forward and held her in his arms.

'Take care, Himeko.'

'You too, Bossun. Take care out there,' she said, her voice falling into a whisper.

She held on to him for a few moments longer, letting her hug linger.

'I love you,' she said and realizing the phrase did not carry the same meaning as it did when she had uttered it to Bossun three years ago. She let out a breath of soft laughter at the realization. 'I love you as your best friend, alright? Don't want you to get the wrong idea now.'

Bossun chuckled.

'Got it. I love you too, Himeko.' He squeezed her a little. 'Be happy, you hear? It might be years until we meet again, but I hope when we do, we'll be the happiest versions of ourselves.'

'Yeah, can't wait for that time to come,' Himeko said, trying to hold back her tears as they parted from each other. 'I know you're gonna be busy with the world out there, Bossun, but try to get in touch whenever you can, alright?'

Bossun had the decency to look chastised. 'I'll try.'

He gave Himeko one final look, a smile and a wave.

'Goodbye, Himeko.'

'Goodbye, Bossun.'

Himeko stood where she was, staring after Bossun's back until he disappeared from her view, lost in the airport crowd. And for once, her heart wasn't breaking. All she felt was a wholesome sense of closure, pushing her to move forward.

.o.o.o.

'Are you sure this is the right apartment?' Switch asked as he stopped the car, shifting the gear into parking and pulling the hand brake with a couple of clicking noises.

Himeko peered out of her window at the somewhat strange purple-grey building. Truthfully, she wasn't sure if it was the right one, but she did remember Kiri pointing out to her his apartment building when they passed through this neighbourhood not too long ago, and it was hard for her to forget the purple-grey building in the midst of washout white ones.

'I think so…'

'You know his unit number?

'Uhh…'

Himeko wasn't sure about that, either. But she vaguely remembered Kiri mentioning amusedly that his apartment number was basically his birthdate, which she knew was on April eighth.

'It's 48,' she blurted out, trying to convince herself and hoping that her guess was right.

Switch hummed. 'Okay. I hope you don't end up knocking on some random person's door, though.'

Himeko hoped so, too. She pushed her hair out of her eyes, her grip on her phone tightening. She wished Kiri would answer his damn phone. Her calls kept getting redirected to voicemail and all her messages were left unread. Was he avoiding her or something?

'I think I'll go check on Kiri now,' she said, opening her door. 'Thanks for the ride, Switch.'

'No prob, Himeko. Go tell him how you really feel, okay?'

Himeko nodded. She paused and looked at Switch fondly.

'Switch, you're a great friend, you know that? I know you're going through a rough patch right now, but you're still willing to help me out with these silly problems.'

'Himeko, nothing about this is silly. And don't worry about me and Momoka. We will work on it. Things seemed to be better now than it was a few weeks ago, after all. Now stop dawdling and go.'

Himeko flashed him a grin and saluted.

'Yes, sir.'

Switch grinned back and returned her salute. He shifted his car into gear and drove away as Himeko made her way towards the apartment building.

When she found the door with the number 48 on it, Himeko couldn't help letting out a sigh of relief. She rubbed her palms together nervously, eyes darting around.

She pressed the doorbell and waited patiently for the door to open. After about two minutes and the door still remained closed, she started to fidget, shifting restlessly on her feet. She pressed the bell again, three times, and waited.

Still, there was no sign of Kiri.

Himeko knocked a little loudly on the door and called out.

'Kiri? Are you in? It's me, Onizuka!'

She knocked again a few times, certain that Kiri's neighbours were starting to get annoyed by her constant pounding on his door. She stared at the number 48 on the door as she waited some more, and suddenly she started to panic.

_Is this even Kiri's? What if I got the wrong apartment?_

Maybe it was 84 instead of 48. Or could it be 408? Or 804? But there couldn't be more than a hundred units in the little cluster of small apartment buildings.

Himeko started to back off slowly from the door, biting her lip in worry. She almost jumped out of her skin when the door of unit 48 cracked opened.

Kiri appeared from behind the door looking dazed if not a little disoriented, his puffy eyes squinting in the afternoon light as if it was too bright, his hair disheveled with strands of it plastered to his face, the stretched-out neckline of his threadbare t-shirt threatening to fall off his shoulder as he weakly leaned against the door frame.

'Onizuka…?' he croaked, voice barely there.

Himeko stared at him, or more accurately, at the condition he was in.

'Did you just wake up or something?'

Kiri blinked a few times like he needed time to understand what Himeko was saying to him.

'Yeah… kinda.'

Himeko eyed him suspiciously.

'You alright?'

'Yeah.'

Kiri shifted awkwardly under her scrutinizing gaze, leaning even heavier onto the door frame.

'Onizuka… I'm sorry about yesterday.'

Himeko arched an eyebrow.

'Yesterday?'

Kiri nodded but slowly stopped when he saw the incredulous look Himeko was giving him.

'Do you know what day is today?' she asked.

'Um… Wednesday?'

'It's freaking Friday, Kiri.'

'What? Friday? But–'

'Why didn't you answer my calls?' Himeko appraised him, trying to figure out what was going on as she took a few steps closer towards Kiri.

'You called? I didn't…'

Kiri's hands sluggishly dipped into the pockets of his sweatpants, expecting to find his phone there. He blinked when he found nothing, the moment confusion dawned on him was apparent as he looked around behind him in a poor attempt to look for his phone.

'Weird… I can't remember where I left my phone…' He barely got the words out when he was suddenly assaulted by a rattling coughing fit.

'You sure you're alright?' Himeko asked concernedly. Now that she was standing closer to him, she noticed how flushed Kiri's face was. Her hand automatically went to feel his forehead.

'God, you're burning, Kiri! Why didn't you tell me you have a fever?'

'What? I don't. I'm fine–'

'Fine my ass,' Himeko hissed before dragging Kiri by the arm into the apartment.

When she reached the surprisingly tidy living room, she ushered him towards the three-seater pushed against the wall. She went to pick up a couple of throw pillows lying across the room and let out a triumphant noise when she discovered something familiar buried underneath them.

'Hey Kiri, I found your phone. It's dead, though,' Himeko said, squinting at the darkened screen. 'No wonder my calls didn't get through.'

She turned around expecting to see Kiri already lying on the sofa but he was just sauntering over from somewhere with a bottle of water in one hand. He flopped onto the sofa tiredly and popped two pills into his mouth before washing them down with water.

'Aspirins?' Himeko asked.

'Yeah. Just realized my head hurts like hell.' He caught her gaze and added, 'I'm fine.'

'No, you're not. Did you really not realize you have a fever?'

'Not until just now,' Kiri sighed, leaning back. 'Is it really Friday, though? My memory's kinda hazy. Feels like I've been in and out of sleep for days.'

'I told you you'd get sick from all that rain,' Himeko muttered, shooting Kiri a glare.

She arranged the pillows on one end of the sofa along with a blanket she had picked up from the floor and gestured for Kiri to lie down. He just glanced at her and remained seated where he was, closing his eyes. Himeko sighed and settled herself next to him.

The living room was quiet, the only sound breaking the silence was Kiri's breathing, the crackles in his breaths were as clear as day. It was a little worrying.

'Hey, you okay? How are you feeling?'

'Cold. And hot,' he mumbled. 'Wished my head would stop throbbing.'

Himeko reached for the blanket and covered Kiri with it. At least he had stopped saying he was fine and admitted he wasn't feeling well.

'Have you eaten?'

He shook his head.

'When was the last time you ate?'

'Can't really remember.'

Himeko sighed again. She didn't think Kiri was this terrible at taking care of himself.

'I'll go make congee for you. I hope you at least have some rice in the kitchen?'

'Onizuka, you don't have to.'

Himeko ignored his weak protests and headed to where she thought the kitchen was. Like the living room, it was clean and tidy, and the fridge was not as empty as she had initially expected. At least there were eggs, some fruits and to her delight, anchovies. She found a small tub of rice on the kitchen counter and immediately started to whip up a simple congee with anchovies.

By the time Himeko had brought a steaming bowl of congee and a small plate of sliced apples to the living room, Kiri was already asleep, half sitting, half lying on the sofa like a kid not wanting to go to sleep but falling asleep anyway. It was endearing to see him like that and Himeko couldn't help smiling at the sight.

She set the bowl and plate on a small side table next to the sofa and headed back to the kitchen before returning with a damp cloth. Gently, she shifted Kiri to lie properly along the length of the sofa, ignoring his unconscious protesting grunts. She pulled the blanket up to Kiri's chest and placed the damp cloth on his forehead.

Kiri's eyes then fluttered opened slowly, glassy and out of focused.

'You still here, Onizuka?' he rasped, his words slurring. 'Why…'

'What? You think I'd leave you to die?'

Kiri's light chuckle morphed into a mean cough.

'Exaggerating much?' he wheezed.

'Well, you _will_ die with how hopeless you are at taking care of your sick self,' Himeko shot back as she reached for the bowl of congee. She looked at him expectantly, her voice softening. 'Think you can eat a little?'

Kiri nodded and with some effort, got himself up into a sitting position. Himeko was about to offer to feed him but Kiri had already taken the bowl from her and quietly spooned the congee into his mouth.

Himeko watched him eat in silence, trying to gauge how lucid he was. He didn't seem delirious, probably just sleepy and tired and sick and hungry. Probably not the best time to ask him serious, heavy questions. But what the hell.

'Kiri, can I ask you something?'

Kiri's hand stopped moving for a second, and then he merely nodded.

'Do you want me to be together with Bossun?'

Himeko tried to ignore the uneasy glare Kiri was fixing her with.

'Why are you asking me that?'

'I just want to know,' she shrugged casually. 'So, do you?'

Kiri put down the bowl and barely whispered. 'Of course not.'

'Because you like me?'

Himeko didn't realize how wildly her heart was hammering in her chest until she saw Kiri nodding to her question.

'Yeah. I like you a lot, Onizuka. Like, _a lot_ a lot. I don't know when I started liking you, but I can't seem to stop thinking about you most of the time. It's… crazy. _God_ , that must've sounded so cheesy.'

Kiri ran his hands through his messy hair, probably blaming the fever for making him so loose with his words and so honest about his feelings.

'At first, I was content with just hanging out with you a few times a week. But then at some point, I felt like those fake dates weren't enough. I like you so much I just can't get enough of you. But that means nothing if you like Bossun. I know you guys were close, probably still are, and you always seemed happiest when you were with him back in high school. I want you to be with me, but I also want you to be happy, Onizuka, and if being with Bossun makes you happy, then I'll never come between you guys.'

Himeko stared at him. She was speechless. She didn't think Kiri liked her that much, willing to sacrifice his own happiness just to see her happy and all that. What was this? A freaking soap opera?

'You'd do that? Even if that makes you miserable?'

Kiri shrugged.

'I guess,' he said quietly. He stole a glance at Himeko's astounded face. 'Didn't think I was such a sappy guy, huh?' He forced out chuckle, leaning back weakly against the sofa.

'Why are you so sure that I like Bossun?'

Kiri snorted. 'You were always with him, Onizuka, always there by his side. Even in my memories of you, Bossun is there. How can I not think that?'

'But that was years ago. You _do_ realize that, right?'

'I do. But still, I can't help thinking that way.'

Kiri shifted on the sofa. He picked up a slice of apple just so that he had something to do with his hand.

'Why didn't you just ask me whether I like Bossun or not?' Himeko blurted out.

'You don't how many times I've almost did that,' Kiri scoffed with a shake of his head. And then he winced. 'Actually, I think I did when we were at the beach the other day.'

'And I said I didn't like him, didn't I? But you didn't want to believe me.'

'That's because you were so unconvincing, Onizuka. Like you were lying to yourself,' Kiri shrugged, staring at the apple in his hand. 'I never meant to ask you that, though, because I was afraid to hear you say you like him. I didn't think I could leave you alone if you said you did. And… I didn't want to feel hatred or contempt or things like that towards Bossun. I've always respected him. He's a great guy. He is someone to look up to, you know. Besides, he's Tsubaki's twin. I'm sure you know how Tsubaki is like a brother to me. It'd be like betraying him if I came between you and Bossun.'

Kiri bit into the apple with a soft crunch, a faraway look in his eyes. And then his gaze slowly returned to Himeko.

'Onizuka, I'm sorry about what happened at your place. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you.'

Himeko looked at him with a frown.

'Taken advantage? What are you talking about?'

Kiri hunched forward, twisting his hands in the bunched up blanket around his waist.

'You were hurting. You were crying and sad and vulnerable… I shouldn't have kissed you back. You probably kissed me to get whatever happened with Bossun that day out of your mind.' He looked at Himeko when she let out a small gasp. 'Yeah, I figured you must've been upset over something involving Bossun, because I saw him in the rain staring at you when we were at the bus stop.'

_So, Bossun and Kiri saw each other that day?_

Himeko wasn't expecting that. She wished they hadn't. At least, she wished _Kiri_ hadn't seen Bossun there. It just made him assume all the wrong things.

'Kiri, you were wrong. Yeah, I was upset that day because of Bossun, but I didn't kiss you because of whatever reason you think it was. I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you, Kiri.'

When Kiri just stared at her blushing face, at a loss for words, Himeko said:

'Let me make this clear. I like you too, Kiri.'

Kiri remained staring at her, not believing his ears.

'Are you for real? You mean that?' he asked in a hushed voice, his glazed eyes slowly becoming clearer.

'Yes, I mean it.'

He stared at her even longer.

'What about Bossun?'

'What about him?'

'I thought you like him.'

Himeko huffed loudly in exasperation. Kiri could be pretty frustrating sometimes. Didn't she just say _she liked him?_ Did Kiri really think he had no chance of being with her ever?

'Kiri, you really should stop doing that, making assumptions and thinking what _you_ think I want is what _I_ really want. It'll just hurt you. And me. Please, Kiri, don't think less of yourself.'

Kiri bowed his head, abashed, hiding from Himeko's intense glare behind his messy hair.

'I just… want the best for you, Onizuka.'

'If you want the best for me then stop doing that. And I've told you before, Kiri, I don't have feelings for Bossun anymore. I already said goodbye to him. He's left for the US earlier.'

Kiri looked up in surprise.

'He left already?'

'Yes.'

'What about you?'

'What _about_ me?'

Kiri sat up straighter, pushing himself forward to the edge of the sofa to look at Himeko closely.

'Are you okay? Did you manage to get everything sorted out with Bossun?' he rubbed the side of his neck uncertainly. 'I don't mean to be a busybody, but you _were_ crying that day, and he had chased after you… I just hope you guys said goodbye with a clear conscience.'

Himeko found herself smiling at Kiri's concerned face.

'Yeah, we did. You don't have to worry about that, Kiri.'

'That's good…' Kiri leaned back, his eyes sliding close. His breathing slowed as sleep was getting ahold on him again. 'I really hope this whole thing isn't just a dream. You don't know how happy I am right now, knowing that you like me too… If it really turns out to be a dream… I'm going to be so damn _mad_ when I wake up.'

Himeko chuckled, making her way to sit next to him. Gently, she pushed his head so that it was resting on her shoulder.

'I assure you, Kiri, this is not a dream.'

'Don't think you should come anywhere near me, Onizuka. You'll get sick too,' Kiri drawled, already half-asleep.

Himeko brushed aside his hand that was trying to push her away from him.

'Nah, don't worry about it. I'll be fine,' she said with a little smile.

She would be fine, and she would continue to be fine.

Things might have turned out differently from what she had expected, but she was content with how things were going. She was glad that she was finally able to move on from Bossun, and she hoped he would find his own happiness out there in the world, wherever he was.

'We will all be fine.'


	8. Epilogue

As the airplane successfully took off and the cabin lights were coming back on, as the thundering drone of the airplane became a dull constant noise in his head, Bossun opened his eyes. He glanced out of his little window to see the Narita airport slowly becoming smaller and smaller. It would be some time before he would see it again.

Bossun slipped his hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out the white envelope that Switch had given him when he was at his friend's apartment earlier. His fingers gingerly pulled open the flap of the envelope. Inside were several photographs, mostly of himself, Himeko and Switch taken when they were in Kaimei.

Bossun ran the tip of his finger along the edges of the envelope, his mind not really present with the rest of him in the plane.

After what had unfolded at the Crystalline Chill, Bossun had wondered about a lot of things. He had some time to reflect for the past few rainy days, especially about Himeko's words regarding his lack of communication with his friends, like he was forgetting them. He was horrified to know that Himeko had felt that way about him. Even Switch said the same. He didn't realize that his action, or more precisely, _inaction_ , was making them feel that way.

As he contemplated about this throughout the days, Bossun had a sudden urge to look at pictures of when he and his friends were having fun during their high school days, when they used to hang out as the Sket Dan, only to realize that he didn't really have any in his phone or physical ones slipped in those last-page pocket of his many travel notebooks. Instead of pictures of his friends, his phone was full of snapshots of the places he had travelled to and the people he had helped.

He wanted to change that.

Those places he visited mattered as well as the people he had helped, but his friends mattered more.

So he had called Switch up asking if he had any pictures of them, the Sket Dan, together.

Bossun took out the first picture from the envelope.

It was a picture of him, Himeko and Switch during the Kaimei Rock Festival, rocking out on stage performing as The Sketchbook. Bossun couldn't help but grin at how so damn cool all three of them looked on that stage. He remembered the feeling, the adrenaline. It was a great day. He still remembered how exhilarating it was performing in front of the whole school, the crowd cheering them on like they were real rock stars. He _felt_ like a rock star. He stared at the picture, wishing he could feel that way again.

The next one he pulled out was a group picture taken at the Shin-Osaka Station where the trio (with Bossun and Switch visibly beaten up, what with patches of bandages on their faces) were joined by Captain, Shinzou, Dante and Yabasawa.

Even if he tried, Bossun could never forget that Osaka trip he took with Himeko and Switch that year. Too many unexpected things happened within twenty-four hours of their arrival in Himeko's hometown; a kidnapping, the anxiety and anguish taking over him as he worried about Himeko's safety, that pure rage he felt burning from within him as he punched Himeko's kidnapper hard in the face; he could never ever forget any of that.

The third picture was taken during their graduation day. Himeko was crying tears of happiness in this one while Bossun, Switch and the rest of the graduating class were smiling, laughing. Everyone was happy and jubilant as they tossed their school blazers into the air to commemorate the end of another chapter in their young lives and the beginning of a new journey.

Looking at this picture really made Bossun miss his school days, doing crazy things with his friends, bickering with the student council, helping out whoever that came to seek aid from the Sket Dan.

A picture of him at a summer festival with Switch, Himeko and Saaya came out easily from the envelope as Bossun put away the first three. He liked this picture a lot because of how everyone in it looked so happy and festive; Himeko and Saaya in their pretty floral yukatas, Switch in his dark-colored, manly one. Bossun was the only one in his usual t-shirt and cargo shorts. Seeing the picture now, he wished he had worn a yukata that night. It would have made the picture even better. Perfect, even.

He ran his fingers over the picture and sighed. He didn't know why, but he had a feeling that he would never have the chance to take pictures like this again with his friends.

He made a mental note to thank Switch again for the pictures. They were all great ones. Nostalgic.

They made his heart ache somewhat.

Bossun pulled out the last remaining picture from the envelope.

It was a candid picture of himself, Himeko, Sasuke and Katou in a snow-covered school courtyard. Switch must have taken it when no one was looking.

Bossun remembered this day. The Sket Dan had volunteered to help the school janitor shovel the snow in the courtyard, and somehow they ended up fooling around and building a snowman instead, before finally having a snowball fight with Sasuke and Katou when the student council president showed up along with his staunchest supporter and thought they would do a much better job at shoveling the snow than the Sket Dan.

Bossun stared at the picture.

In it, he was bickering with Sasuke, a snowball packed in his hand ready to be thrown at his twin who in turn was holding up his arms to shield himself from Bossun's attack. Behind Bossun, Himeko was apparently having a nice chat with Katou who was standing at her side, a huge smile on her face as she looked up at him.

Bossun couldn't tear his eyes away from the picture. It was like it had foretold the future.

He couldn't help recalling the feeling that had taken over him that day when he saw Himeko being so friendly with Katou. It was a mix of disbelief and betrayal, and maybe… a little bit of jealousy.

Truthfully, when he saw them in each other's embrace that day in the rain, he had felt the same mix of feelings rising inside of him, only maybe not as strong as it had felt years ago. Maybe.

He let out a sigh, gathering the pictures and replacing them into the envelope. He stared at the whiteness of the paper.

There was an unsettling feeling in his chest, a small lump of unidentified mess that he didn't want to think about. It was only a speck, and he wanted it to stay that way. He didn't want to feed it, didn't want to let it grow, didn't want to know what it actually was even, because he knew he'd eventually lose control over it if he fed it and it would only make his life miserable.

It was better to leave it alone.

Bossun gazed out of his window at the blue sky, clear and bright in the afternoon sun.

His feelings didn't matter.

'As long as Himeko's happy, I'm happy,' he said softly to himself.

Yes. It didn't matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to try writing something that is the opposite of my other Sket Dan fic, Catching Up with Love, where not everyone ends up having what they want. That's why Himeko and Bossun go their separate ways, and Switch and Momoka are on the rocks . But at least Kiri gets what he wants. I like him as a character and I've always thought he'd be a good partner for Himeko besides Bossun. So that's why this story ends with Himeko being together with him.
> 
> But Bossun/Himeko will always be my OTP <3
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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